i couldn't keep going forward with the flashback fridays without a very important "flashback" band that i have yet to post. how about a little erasure for our flashback friday today? here's one of my favs - "oh l'amour" in a remix fashion. enjoy. feel free to get up and dance. i'm dancing in my chair at work. :-p
i found this via a metafilter thread. i thought it was completely idiotic when i saw it the first 2 times. i have since watched it 5 more times and now i can't stop laughing. and i can't get that laugh out of my head. what do ya'll think?
i'm in a fantabulous mood today and i'm not gonna let anyone ruin that! :) :) :) :)
i used to have a friend that i worked with (we are still friends), but we were attached at the hip and everyone would call us "will and grace"....cuz...we were.
so i emailed him this morning to check in with him....
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me: just checkin to see if you are alive over there. DOOOOOOOOOO DOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
him: Hey I need to talk to you, I been thinking bout ya, and I’m fixin to make a change, if you know what I mean.
me: you've all of a sudden decided you are straight and you are madly in love with me?!??!! i'm flattered. HAHAHAHHA kidding. you want me to call you after worky tonight?
him: You wish, biatch! Lol Making a salary change if you know what I mean. Call me tonight baby!
so i've been extended a very random offer on a whim. i've never been one to take any huge risks - i like adventure and i do seek it....but within the comfort of my own boundaries. especially after having my daughter, that sense of adventure has really gone by the wayside. i tend to live my life more so on the straight and narrow out of any obvious danger.
and this offer, as random as it may seem, appeals to me. do i step out of my comfort zone and experience something i've never done before? is it dangerous....hmmmm....not necessarily dangerous, but a little bit on the risky side. so do i take this leap of faith and this risk and experience this offer? it only involves 1 evening of my life.....but i think the experience will be one i will never forget. you only live this life once.
how do ya'll view taking risks? have you ever taken any steps out of your comfort zone for an experience and in turn was very glad that you did?
i probably shouldn't post this, but oh well....i never do what i'm supposed to do...or not for that matter.
Butterfly says: fancy seeing you on here Butterfly says: sorry about the accidental email to you yesterday Horizon says: No worries. Horizon says: sounds like a fun weekend in the making. Butterfly says: definitely - much needed. i'm burnt out. Butterfly says: how are you doing? Horizon says: I'm ok. Feeling about the same. Just need a break from everything. Horizon says: This adult stuff is hard, I tell ya. Butterfly says: well i'm sorry to hear that. i was hoping things were getting better for you. Butterfly says: and yes, it is! Horizon says: Oh they are, I just need a vacation. Some time to relax. Horizon says: A change of scenery would be nice. Butterfly says: i completely understand that. Butterfly says: how are the kids? Horizon says: Good. Big. and sweet. Horizon says: they take good care of me. Butterfly says: i bet they do Horizon says: I've been putting them to work. They help fold clothes and do dishes pretty well and they're always sweet about helping. Horizon says: Though I'm sure that'll change. I'll enjoy it while I can. Butterfly says: awww that's very sweet. Horizon says: How's your baby? Butterfly says: haha baby my foot - she just had her 9th birthday. doing really well - waiting for her next sibling to be here any day now Horizon says: Ah, that's right. About to be a big sister all over again. Horizon says: I'm sure it doesn't feel like she's been with you for 9 years already. Butterfly says: no i've been looking at her a lot lately and not really believing that it's been that long....or that i even made 1/2 of her. sometimes it's a strange hit of reality. Butterfly says: so how are things with you and "t" (name removed)? getting better? going in the direction you had hoped? Horizon says: Getting better and progressing. Counseling is helping quite a bit. Butterfly says: good to hear Butterfly says: well i better get back to work. it was good to say hello to you. take care. Horizon says: Awe. Ok, have a good morning luv. And it was great to hear from you. Butterfly says: it's just still a little weird for me. as much as i want you to be happy.....you understand i'm sure Horizon says: Absolutely. Horizon says: Its weird for me as well. Butterfly says: i'm moving on with my life and thinking about you less and less. it still hurts and i still love you, but then hearing that you and "t" are doing better and working things out is a bit of a sting. Horizon says: Well, I'm glad that you're moving on. Horizon says: You're still very much in my thoughts and heart and I want nothing but positive things for you in your future. Butterfly says: things are going in that direction. i'm actually dating again....it's different and hard, but i'm making myself do it Horizon says: Well, it stings to hear you say that but its good that you are and I hope you find someone very special that deserves you. Horizon says: Crud, now I've gotta scoot. Someone's got monitor problems. Horizon says: Hopefully we'll chat again in the near future. Butterfly says: well i would be lying if somewhere inside me i still hold a hope that things will happen for us later Butterfly says: but i can't live my life with that hope you know Horizon says: I know. Butterfly says: sorry i don't mean to unload all of that on you, but it's nice to be able to say it to you. i wish things had been different. Horizon says: Oy, sorry for the long pause, had to go get that monitor. Horizon says: If you need to get something off of your chest, by all means do it. Horizon says: Its really bad for you to be all bottled up. Horizon says: You don't need to apologize. Butterfly says: i definitely know. i am getting better, but my friends still see i'm in some sort of a rut that i can't seem to get out of. i'm working on it though - trying to keep myself busy. Butterfly says: it's hard to get over someone that you were madly in love with and come to the realization that they are with someone else. that's the worst part for me i think. Horizon says: hmm Horizon says: I can relate... Horizon says: I've always been in love with those that didn't love me back. Hopeless romantic I suppose. Horizon says: But you can say that I loved you... love you because its true. Butterfly says: yes i know Horizon says: Just so you know, it absolutely is not easy letting you go. Horizon says: I still think about you and and occassionally see you in my dreams, whatever small comfort that may be to you. Horizon says: whatever I may think, I still want you to move forward in your life and be happy. Horizon says: So please do that. Horizon says: And I better get an e-mail from you the day you get settled into your new place in Austin. Butterfly says: the way i try and see it is that we came into each other's life and fell in love but at the wrong time. you are still attached to someone that you never got over. our love was/is beautiful and if we are meant to find each other again, then i have faith that we will when the time is right. but in the meantime i have no choice but to move on..... Butterfly says: it's a difficult process and it's been several months now - each day seems to get a little bit easier. a very hard part is trying to see someone else and all i do is think about you and wanting that person to be you. Butterfly says: oh and i just realized that we met a year ago last weekend? Butterfly says: wow Horizon says: that long already Butterfly says: it was the end of march last year Horizon says: No one is me except me, just like no one in my life is you except you. I can't hold anyone to the standards that you set or I'd be disappointed for the rest of my life. Butterfly says: that's the problem that i am struggling with Horizon says: Well, if you couldn't tell... me too. Horizon says: We have many bonds, you and I. That's just one more. Horizon says: But you need to get on with your morning and so do I. We'll be carrying each other in our thoughts for quite a while after this... and that's not a bad thing at all in my opinion. Horizon says: Not that we ever stopped. Horizon says: But anywho, you go and do what you need to and I'll go hit this monitor with a sledge hammer. Butterfly says: yah you are right. i will keep in touch and you do the same please. Butterfly says: don't hit it too hard! Horizon says: K Horizon says: bye sweety. and I love you very much. Horizon says: take care Butterfly says: and i love you. Butterfly says: bye...
so my plans of spring cleaning didn't go as planned this weekend. ah well. apparently i needed some sleep because i was only awake for 7 hours yesterday. whoa. i'm finally done with my antibiotics and my illnesses seem to be dimished (finally!), so hopefully this week will be a better one.
i got sick to my stomach this morning when i opened up the internet and the front page of msn has the us death toll in iraq reached 4,000. 4,000 people folks. i really wanted to vomit. still do. all these lives lost for absolutely....NOTHING.
on a funny note, i saw this bumper sticker on a car this weekend and i giggled for a good 30 seconds.
THIS site has been providing me with unstoppable entertainment over the past few days.
i know these little lolcatz have been around for roughly about a year now and i've seen a few here and there, but i didn't actually visit the site until the other day. these are the cutest things ever and are a great source of hours of entertainment.
so i couldn't figure out why there was no traffic coming into work today and why our parking garage was 1/2 empty. damn christian holidays. meh.
i have big plans this weekend. and by big plans, i only mean a cleansing of my soul and physical cleaning of my area of inhabitance. spring cleaning if you will. my funk has gone too far and it's time to turn it around. and by funk, it's been mental, physical and all around funkage. i have the ladybug this weekend, so some good quality time with her will be in order. i'm kind of thankful for no soccer plans this weekend so that i can do what i need to do on my own terms. (speaking of soccer, a girl on the other team last night tripped and ran into the wall of the indoor field 2 minutes into the game. broke her wrist and as her wrist gave way, crashed her head into the wall. yikes. not a pleasant thought - moving along).
i'm in need of some change. physical change of myself and my surroundings. as far as i'm concerned, i've made a hair appt for next saturday for a major change. hopefully it will turn out ok....as long as it does, i will post pictures...hell even if it doesn't i will still post them so ya'll can laugh hysterically at me. :) i'm yearning for a meditation room. a room all to myself that is neither a bedroom or a living area that is all mine for my meditation, my bead making, my yoga, my spiritual, my ME room. my escape from reality room. problem is, my current living area does not leave room for this. i will have to compromise - the gears in me noggin are already turning. hmmmmm.
hope everyone has a grand weekend. i hope to return on monday fairly refreshed and revamped. i'm burnt out on work and i'm burnt out on this city. luckily my friends and i already have a camping/hiking trip in the works for next month to enchantedrock. ah, i can't wait - i know it's exactly what i need.
i had a conversation with one of my best friends this morning over IM.
when i mentioned that i've been "off" this week, he mentioned that i've been off kilter for quite some time and he has his suspicions as to why. you know what, he's right.
we are going to have a heart to heart tonight and i'm curious what his take on my out-of-whackness is. hopefully it will give me some incite as to a direction i need to take to get myself in a better place.
in the 7 weeks that you have been out, i feel closer to you than i have EVER been. we have so much history together, but most of that previous history has been with you in a "fog". that history is mixed with some really good times and really special moments, but also some very hurtful and sad moments. regardless, it's ours. and we share it.
the past 7 weeks spending time with you and talking to you on the phone have been so pleasant and filled with great joy. the person that i have known deep down is here again. and i am so thankful and SO VERY PROUD of you. i know i don't say it enough. i've been there for you at your worst of times and now i'm fortunate enough to be here when your life is flourishing.
thank you for not leaving this life when the timing wasn't right for you and for not leaving on the wrong note. thank you for coming back to us. i can never imagine what you have gone through - through the times that i was there and the times that i wasn't there, but i see your strength shining through now. you used to tell me how weak you were....but don't you see how strong you are to come out of this?
of course i still worry - there's still that "what if" that you could fall off of this path. but there's something different inside of you this time. determination that i've never seen radiates from your being. i'm not much of the praying kind, but as close as i can get to it, i pray for your well-being and for your path of enlightenment to continue.
there's so many different types of love and i know we have shared quite a few aspects of love. from love that you share as in a childhood crush to love for a friend to intimate love and back again. when i say i love you - i mean all of these things.
so i just needed to take a moment to really tell you how proud of you i am and how very much i love you. thank you for bringing the person i know and love back. it means more to me than you will ever know.
this made me feel better today. sorry for not posting. been quite ill and haven't felt like saying much. i'll be back. until then, enjoy this awesome jam:
so i really don't mean to be a downer lately, but damn. i got my tetanus shot on monday and i've been feeling like SHIT. not like head-cold or anything of the sort, just "off". i didn't know that side effects of this shot can cause tiredness, muscle aches and headaches. apparently i've caught the high end of these side effects. i slept horribly last night - i guess i kept laying on the arm that i got the shot in and it was giving me horrible pains. i'm assuming these will go away in a day or two, otherwise i suppose i will have to call the doc. i don't recall having symptoms like these the last time i got one of these shots, but i was a teenager, so who knows. atleast i won't have to get another one for 10 years. *note to self - be prepared for this*
i think about my mortality often. i don't mean to sound morbid or anything, but it's human nature and i'm sure certain people think about it more often than others. having children heightens those thoughts as well. there are times that i am petrified of death (ie. when i experience panic attacks or at other specific times), then there are times that i am at peace with dying. whenever it may happen. my #1 concern always is if the ladybug will be taken care of and be ok. i know in my heart that she will be, but i also get that thought in my head of her losing me and me missing out on the rest of her life. possibly a bit selfish way to think, but hey...she's my daughter. is it strange that i have already told my parents and clued in my closest friends what i want to happen if i do die suddenly and before any of them? i even have put in requests of what i want played at my funeral and i have reiterated that i don't want any methodist hymns playing with old white men singing out of key and in a monotone voice. i would rather die AGAIN. and easy on the godly stuff. you know...since i'm still in a constant "i have no idea" mode. that is subject to change of course.....
i have had 2 songs picked out since directly out of high school and another added on in the last 5 years or so. these songs have a VERY DEEP meaning to me and it would be my dying wish to have these played at my funeral. i would want my closest friends and my family to say a few words, then afterwards, i would want one of them to have a huge party and to reminisce about all the awesome, fun times that we all spent together. nothing drab, nothing terribly sad.
so for shits and giggles, i would like to share these 3 songs with all of you.
first is "love is stronger than death" by the the:
second is "china roses" by enya:
and lastly is "hallelujah" by jeff buckley (must be this version even though the original version was by leonard cohen):
this is the best version - but it has disabled the embedding: CLICK HERE
there are so many things rummaging through my brain that i want to let out, but i don't think i'm ready for the world to see yet. i need to keep pondering them. i am a mixture of emotions right now : i feel happiness, i feel sadness, loneliness, unsteadiness, confusion and even some fulfillment. why whenever i think i am perfectly content in my life and where i want to be, something (or someone) disturbs that flow?
i wasn't surprised with the mccain sweep. sickened, but not surprised.
i was however surprised by hillary's comeback. it's going to continue to be a close fight, which i think is unfortunate because this battle will go on for too long (not to mention it's going to get ugly from this point on as it was fairly civil up until this point) while mcdouchebag is off on the sidelines gearing up for the general election and the dems are still over here bickering at each other. it's going to boil down to the dem nom being either barack or hillary and vice versa for vp on the same ticket.
a proverbial rip - ron paul : i do hope you gear up again in 4 more years...i believe in you and i know you gained more momentum from supporters than you ever thought possible.
i know i said in my previous post about these elections that i wasn't going to fully support another candidate until the noms were chosen.....BUT i also didn't predict this hillary thing, so fuck it.
i mulled this over in my brain until the point of it hurting a few times. i didn't know what i was going to do until this morning. i made the decision to vote for barack obama. and i can only hope that ron paul will run again in 4 years as he has already stated that he is NOT going to run independently. i felt a little sad when i walked out of the voting place. but i know in my heart that i made the right decision under the circumstances. since ron will not win the party's nomination, i knew i needed to give my vote to barack because i sure as hell don't want hillary to win the dem nomination....and since they are so close, i know my vote will count more this way.
so, i feel that i need to take my ron paul signs down as i can not honestly say that i voted for him today (although i wish circumstances were different and i could have). i will not show my true support for another candidate until the primaries are over and the dem and repub candidates have been decided.
welp, so the big day is tomorrow for us and ohio. PLEASE go vote. it's very important. we've got to make a change you guys. if you've never voted before in your life or felt that your vote didn't count, now's the time to rethink that decision because your vote DOES count.
don't really have much else to say other than i have a gripe that i must vent about.
WHY don't people read? so i have a myspace account and after getting irritating friend requests from random people, i finally put up a very legible "please don't add me as a friend just to add me" and i STILL get atleast one a day. ugh. it's just irritating. i'm going to start being a bitch and replying to their requests stating, "go back and read my profile again you illiterate, no paying attention ass."
*edit : i had a 2nd gripe that i posted here this morning but i have since deleted because it was directed at one particular individual and i don't want my good bloggin buddies to feel like i was speaking to them.....so if you read earlier, it has nothing to do with ya'll :) *
that is all.
so i will leave you with this fitting song as our weather went from sunny, upper 70's this weekend to nasty, cold, raining and 40 degrees today. gotta love tejas.
