Saturday, March 07, 2015

Waiting For The Storm To Pass

Haven't blogged in a while. Lots of good things, a few not so good things since I've last posted.

All of us I think have the ultimate goal of living our life the best we know how and to truly experience being happy. I know happiness is not a destination, but most certainly a journey. I am by no means an expert on this subject and quite honestly it feels like a destination at times as opposed to a journey. I have had moments of extreme happiness in my life, but also big lulls of the opposite. I know life is not perfect and to expect to be happy at all times is unrealistic. However, in my quest, I would really and truly love to be happy at least 1/2 the time.
Living your life with anxiety and depression can certainly throw a wrench in things. Especially when you can't control it. And when people say , "oh, just snap out of it", that is the most infuriating. People that have never experienced it just don't get it. They don't and I accept that.
I used to have a hard time recognizing my depression. Especially in certain situations in my life. I'm getting better at acknowledging it, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating when I can't just QUIT being depressed.
I'm going through a challenging phase in my life, which includes being in the middle of a divorce that appears to be becoming more complicated than initially expected. Topped off with insane amounts of overtime with work and just not enough time in the day. Being an introvert is just the cherry on top and draining myself into a depression has not helped any. I have a lot to be grateful for and to be happy about, don't get me wrong. I have numerous blessings in my life and I thank God every day for them.
I hate feeling like this. I just want to retreat from the world, close the blinds and lay on my couch with a blanket. That's not me....but sometimes it's a part of me. Sometimes it's a part of my depression and/or my introvertism. But I don't necessarily LIKE it.
I am ready to work past this phase. I am ready to come out on the other side feeling free and rejuvenated.
I know it's a process that can't be forced. I just have to Let Go and Let God - same with every other situation in my life.
I am so grateful for a more understanding, loving and patient God that I have grown to be close to in the last year. One Day At A Time.