Friday, September 28, 2007

Flashback Friday : Volume 4

i have a two-fer for you lovelies today.

i've always loved The Psychedelic Furs. richard butler is definitely one funny lookin dude, but man, has he got some pipes.

of course you all know them from the theme song of the 80's hit film "Pretty In Pink" starring molly ringwald and mr. jon cryer who has made a nice little name for himself on two-and 1/2 men. i'll forever know him as "duckie" though. and of course, how could you forget, the boyishly cute andrew mccarthy, who once tried to play a roll as a bad guy and failed miserably because he's just too sweet. anyshmmooooooooooo....i'm drifting away from my point here, so moving along....

i had a tussle in me noggin about which song i wanted to post. it was a toss-up between "Heaven" and "The Ghost In You". i chose the latter. i'm now going to take you back to 1984 with this sweet lyrical gem :

i will also provide you with the lyrics because it is SUCH a beautifully written song:

A man in my shoes runs a light and
All the papers lied tonight
But falling over you
Is the news of the day

Angels fall like rain
And love (love, love)
Is all of heaven away

Inside you
The time moves
And she don't fade
The ghost in you
She don't fade

A race is on, I'm on your side and
Here in you my engines die I'm
In a mood for you
Or running away

Stars come down in you
And love (love, love)
You can't give it away

Inside you
The time moves
And she don't fade
The ghost in you
She don't fade

Don't you go
It makes no sense when
All your talk and supermen just
Take away the time
And get in the way

Ain't it just like rain?
And love (love, love)
Is only heaven away

Inside you
The time moves
And she don't fade
The ghost in you
She don't fade

nextly, let's stick with the same band and head to 1991 for "until she comes" :

(embedding is disabled, so follow THIS LINK)

in the early 90's richard butler and his brother, tim went on to form Love Spit Love (which strangely enough, richard seemed to gain a little weight and fill himself in and became a little more handsome), whom in my opinion, released their self-title album in 1994 and i absolutely adored it. i didn't follow much after that, but i will always have a place in my heart for The Psychedelic Furs.

happy friday to you all.


Thursday, September 27, 2007

Letting go of past anger

this has been an issue constantly on my mind and in my heart. what sparked me to write about it though, was bluegreendragonfly's post.

14 years ago, i was in a situation where i was raped and around the same period of time, dated someone who mentally and physically abused me off an on for 4 years. he was 8 years older than me - i was young and naive. it doesn't bother me or hurt to talk about it anymore.

i thought i had let this go and moved on in my life, but alas, when you think you do, you find that you carry it with you more than you think - especially in relationships, you find yourself acting on those old tendancies....not on purpose...only because it's all you have ever known.

all of my relationships from that point, had suffered the effect of these happenings in some form or another.

then i met someone (i don't want to divulge real names, but he does read this blog and knows who he is). he was my turning point. he was the only one that said " have these deep lying issues and i love you enough that i want you to get the help you need and i will go through it with you." we went to therapy together a few times....i don't think i could have done it without him. after a while, it became easier and i was able to go on my own. we ended up splitting up for ultimately the reasoning that i couldn't try and make our relationship work and focus on fixing my inner demons at the same time. it was a hard breakup for me because i did love him very much, but over time, i got over it. although, i still in my heart am so thankful for what he did for me...he knows that i am and even though we don't talk on a daily basis, we still are important aspects of each other's lives. i continued with therapy for 9 months after that point. it was the nicest and most caring thing that anyone has ever done for me and the best thing i could have done for myself. it's not for everyone, but in my instance, it was 100% the best thing for me. i was introduced to congnotive therapy and truly dealing with past demons head on and recognizing that when you experience these things they are placed in your memory bank and rear their ugly heads time and time again when something triggers them.

around this same time as well, i bought a bunch of self-help anger management books. after going through the therapy though, my anger was only associated with this and with things in my childhood i didn't realize until i learned to accept them and move on.

i've been a much happier person since that time. have had a couple of defunked relationships - each one different from the next, but learned from.

then i met Horizon. i know i go on and on about our relationship, but he truly is perfect for me.


i still have some underlying issues that i feel seeping out at times. not to the point of beyond reason as i did before, but things that still get triggered on occasion. he is the most honest and most loving man i have been with. and this is a new experience for the both of us and it's a learning experience. most of my relationships have involved some sort of dishonesty at some point...and the last one prior to this was a HUGE disappointment on a lot of levels....not regretable, but learned from. yet you still carry that wall and expectation that your current relationship will have some of these faults....and when they don''s almost a shock. maybe i've just been unlucky in love until now...who knows.

when you meet that perfect person for you, there is still growing pains. Horizon and i have been together now for 6 months and we have had some MAJOR growing pains. and we still do. and will continue to do so, but as long as we both carry that awareness and acceptance of this and keep our communication at the level it is, i have no doubt that we will make it through and we will flourish. a lot of the issues stem from his fairly recent ex (a year ago) - whom he is just now starting a divorce - due to money issues. so being in this position with him and the ex and the kids has put a huge strain on me and i find myself getting upset...recently a little too much.

i am aware of it and am working on it consciously. any advise anyone would like to offer would be greatly appreciated. i have it in me to overcome these annoyances and have confidence in myself. i have jealous feelings and feelings of detachment and helplessness at i stated before...nothing out of control, but regardless i am feeling them. i am talking to him about it all too though, so i know that's helping, but i want to get to the point that i don't let these things bother me.

where do i need to go inside myself to do this - to find this strength?

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Our Ambigram

the beautiful, talented hippie mama, Tiffany, created this gorgeous ambigram for us. i can't believe how beautiful it turned out.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Mr. Wit & Mr. Shaman

i know i have quite a few blogs in my blogroll to the right...some i visit regularly or on a daily basis and some, not as much.

there are 2 blogs that even if i'm busy i make it a point to check them out in the morning and late afternoon. these are two of the greatest guys in the blogworld that i know of. they both brighten my every workday. i am happy to call them my best blogger buddies. :)

Objectivity and Observation



Monday, September 24, 2007

Turning into a Sweettart

over the last 2 weeks, i have developed a SERIOUS sweettart addiction.

i need an intervention.

fo rizzle.

6 Months

today marks the anniversary of our first date - 6 months ago.

i wrote this a few days ago and sent it to my horizon....

i wanted to tell you a story about this amazing person that i know in my life this morning.

i was bored one day - the exact day i can't recall - looking through friends of friends of friends - clicking multiple amounts of times through my myspace account - nothing else to do...just passing the time. i came across this page that caught my eye and made me catch my breath. his profile name said "horizon" and he was beautiful. i read about him and looked through his pictures - the one picture he had of himself and several of his gorgeous children. i was instantly attracted to this person...even though it was only through a computer screen, something about this person drew me in. his interests, his music taste, his overall aura. i was nervous about contacting him, but i took a deep breath and did it. i was unsure if he would acknowledge my email. if he would take the time to write me back or to even see me. or would he just see the email and shrug and move along. to my surprise, he emailed me back. a lovely email as i recall. i was so ecstatic. we wrote long, in depth emails back and forth to each other...with each new email, i was drawn closer to him. i felt butterflies in my stomach every time i got an email from him. we decided to meet. i suggested driving out to fort worth to meet him, he insisted on coming to dallas to meet me. i gave in to the suggestion.

the exact day was saturday, march 24, 2007. we had exchanged numbers and he called me that morning to go over details of our first meeting. the instant i heard his voice, i melted. he had such a strong, sexy, captivating voice. i was so nervous. we decided to meet at the cosmic cafe. i gave him the address...he got directions and we were set to meet. i got there a little before he did. as i was sitting in my car, i kept looking in the rearview mirror..."do i look ok?" "what is he going to think of me?" "god, i'm so nervous?!?!?!?" he finally pulled up in his silver sports car...i got out of the car and met him as he was getting out. OH. MY. GOD. nothing but beauty stood before me. his eyes were alluring, his skin - a soft caramel, nice button-down white shirt, jeans and brown sandals. WOW. and that smile. i felt like i was going to pass out. i was so nervous, but i remember him commenting on how beautiful he thought i was and how he loved how tall i was. i laughed....and grew a little red in the cheeks. we sat and had lovely conversation....he made me feel like spaghetti the entire time. he would look at me with those eyes....almost as if he was looking inside me...inside my soul. normally that would scare the crap out of me....but this felt....natural. we enjoyed the time we had and finally decided to go get some dinner. we drove around in my car and decided that good eats would be a nice place to go. dinner was absolutely lovely - both having the same thing - salmon. the conversation was flowing and i felt myself getting more drawn into him with each new glance. he made me feel like i was the most beautiful woman in the world. after dinner, we had a little more time to spare before he had to meet some friends for a night at the museum that night, so we drove around and found a local park. as we walked, i felt him next to me....the intensity and the warmth of his presence was almost overwhelming that i got lost in it and almost decided to get run over by a turning car on the road. luckily he was there to save me. we walked back to the car, drove back to cosmic cafe and shared a soft, amazing kiss. i will never forget that kiss. i did not want our day to end. we parted ways for the evening. all i could think was that i didn't want it to end. i knew something good was going to happen with this person. i could feel it.

we emailed all week and decided the following weekend to have a sleep over with all the kids. i was afraid it was moving too fast, but he told me you can't put a time stamp on everything. besides, we wanted more of each other. we could not wait.

it was raining that night - badly i remember. when they got over to the house, everyone was drinched...especially horizon as he had to keep going back out to the car. it was monsoon outside. the kids instantly hit it off and horizon and i instantly were consumed by each other...again. tonight, we could make love and it would be so sweet. so amazing. and it was. how could i have known then that i would fall deeply in love with this person and want to spend the rest of my life with him? but i just knew.

things started happening rapidly, but each new thing beautiful in it's own right.

it's now 6 months later and i have never been more happy in my life. more sure of a love in my life. we've already been through a lot together....and will continue to do so, but i welcome it all with open arms. the good times, the struggles, the many trials and tribulations of a relationship. and most importantly...the love. i am ready.

on monday, september 24, 2007, we will have been together 6 months. we came close to a breakup about midway through to this point, but have stuck it out and are flourishing in our love. our relationship is a learning process and we've hit a few bumps in the road, but mild speedbumps is all they are. i love this man genuinely and more strongly than i have ever loved another before. i did not think this kind of love was possible until i met him. i know it's only 6 months and then 1 year...then yearly anniversaries....regardless of the time, i am constantly reminded of the blessing that was brought into my life the day i met horizon. and the most beautiful and amazing children i am proud to have in my life.

i am the happiest and luckiest woman on this earth.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Flashback Friday : Volume 3


Dream Academy - "Life in a Northern Town"

Thursday, September 20, 2007


i'm still here, just buried under this HUGE PILE OF WORK. stay tuned.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Friday, September 14, 2007

My own private ACL fest

alright, since i am a weeeeeeeeeeeee bit depressed that i wasn't able to join some of my friends at the austin city limits festival this year in austin, i'm going to be looking at the online schedule at random moments throughout today and the rest of the weekend and imagine myself being there having the time of my life with my buds. outdoor music festivals feed my soul like nothing else. i've been to acl fest 3 years in the past. due to financial stresses, i haven't been able to go the last 2 years. :( that makes butterfly a very unhappy butterfly. but alas, it is what it is, so i will create my own. the following list will consist of my virtual weekend at acl: schedule can be found here.


12:40-1:20 adam hood
2:30-3:30 bela fleck and the flecktones (although this was a hard decision between them and pete yorn)
4:30-5:30 this is a tough one...i would probably have to split this one in half for crowded house and joss stone
5:15-6:00 jj grey & mofro
6:30-7:30 spoon
7:45-8:15 i would have to check out some of reverend horton heat
8:15-8:45 the killers
8:45-10:00 bjork


4:00-4:30 st. vincent
4:30-5:00 blue october
5:00-5:30 stephen marley
6:30-7:30 damien rice
8:15-8:45 arcade fire
8:45-10:00 muse


12:30-1:30 yo la tengo
2:30-3:15 ben kweller
3:15-3:30 ziggy marley on the kiddie stage!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3:30-4:30 common
5:30-6:30 amos lee (although i would have liked to see regina spektor - i am WAY too big an amos lee fan to miss any of his set)
6:30-7:45 wilco
7:45-8:30 the decemberists
8:30-10:00 bob dylan

and of course if i was ACTUALLY going, i would have studied up on a few of the more unknown bands and checked them out in between times as i could fit them in.

so there we have it virtual weekend at acl. i hope you enjoy it as much as i will. :)

Flashback Friday : Volume 2

today i am giving you a sweet little number by the trashcan sinatras , a scottish band that formed in 1987. they never became too popular here in the states, but are still together and still making lovely music.

(sorry about the vid quality - it IS circa 1991)

The TrashCan Sinatras : "Obscurity Knocks"

Thursday, September 13, 2007


i am so utterly, madly, ecstatically, happily, absurdly, crazily, wildly, extremely.....



You are everything I wanted

The scars of all I’ll ever know

If I told you you were right

Would you take my hand tonight?

If I told you the reasons why

Would you leave your life and ride?

And ride…

You saw all my pieces broken

This darkness that I could never show

If I told you you were right

Would you take my hand tonight?

If I told you the reasons why

Would you leave your life and ride?

And ride…

Monday, September 10, 2007


you know, i have been so busy today, but i have gotten a couple of emails on the subject and everytime i open up msn, i keep seeing how "britney bombed big time".

can we just leave the poor girl alone? usually i could care less and i have the attitude that these rich, bratty celebrities keep getting themselves into these messes and expect to get free rides, etc., but i kind of feel sorry for britney. she has so many deep rooted issues and on top of it has 2 toddler boys that she needs to attend to and give her all to. i hope that she will be able to get help for her problems and become the best mama she can be....who cares about her stardom or her comeback. she needs to focus less on that and focus on getting her life together - no matter how long it takes. god knows she has enough money to take a much needed extended vacation from the public eye - for years...which she should do in my opinion.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Flashback Friday : Intro : Volume 1

i've decided to start a little segment on my blog entitled "FLASHBACK FRIDAY". here i will be posting a video or two of a song(s) that takes me back (and hopefully some for you as well).

i'm 31. which puts me right in the middle of the beginning of the alternative/new wave movement. i was in jr. high and high school. and i was your typical "new waver". i listened to The Edge back when it was 94.5 on the dial and back when it was what i considered "cool" and "fresh". now it just sucks (sorry for those of you out there that possibly listen to that crap, but hey i'm old school). atleast now they have a segment on sunday mornings from 8-10 with josh (who has been there since the beginning and has done "The Adventure Club" from day one - he actually has a nice diverse music taste - one i can relate to) called "old school edge". sad that the only time i can hear good music that i used to listen to back in the day is for 2 hours on an early sunday morning when i would much rather be sleeping. what can ya do?

anyway....i could go on about all of this for hours, and my "FLASHBACK FRIDAY"'s will not be like this everytime i promise. just wanted to give a bit of premise behind my madness.

these songs/videos will more than likely not consist of the 80's "cheese" as i like to call it. (don't get me wrong - i was all about the 80's cheese as well), but i'm talking about the 80's/early 90's alternative/new wave intro/brit pop movement.

with that said, i have 2 lovely gems today i would like to share with ya'll (yes, i'm from texas, hush).

1. first we will start off with a little known band called the bodeans. this band was definitely not mainstream, but a certain tv show named party of five gave them a shine in the spotlight. yes, folks, this is where your sexy character from lost made his big break. as the oldest brother charlie salinger. ah, how i adored that show...but dammit i'm diverting away from my point here.

without further adu, i give you the bodeans - "closer to free"

(and wouldn't you know it, there's a minimal selection of youtube videos for this song, so strangely enough someone meshed the song with harry potter: 3. hmmmm - weird, but oh well)

2. we have a fairly well known band, UB40, with a fairly unknown song of theirs called "higher ground". i love the vibe of this just grooves so well.


Thursday, September 06, 2007

Faerie Tale Theatre

oh my gosh - i just got jerked back into childhood. i used to sit and watch these with my dad ALL the time.

i think i'm going to go home tonight and watch some of these on youtube. :)

Robert Randolph

i have always dug robert randolph. i have heard this song several times now over the past couple of weeks - it's just awesome.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Ron Paul

in my work boredom yesterday and again today (ugh! - i know i should enjoy the break but still), i'm REALLY starting to *like* this guy. i never thought i would say that about a republican, but he's not your average run of the mill right wing...he's libertarian which i seem to move towards as well. i really really like his viewpoint on giving the state more authority instead of the federal govt running everything in our lives. i don't agree with some of his conservative views, but maybe this is truly what we need and my dad says this all the time...we need conservative at the federal level and more liberal at the state level. i am starting to believe this more and more...and although conservative, ron paul is a firm believer in more power and more decisions state-wise.

*like* = as much as you could *like* a freakin politician. and he's from hey. although we've seen what the last fuck-face from texas has done. but we aren't all bad down here :)

"I want to be president mainly for what I don't want to do: I don't want to run your life, I don't want to run the economy and I don't want to police the world." -Ron Paul

that caught my attention right there. hopefully it's not just a lure though. dammit - why can't they just put oprah or montel williams in as president? they would both do a damn good job being such huge humanitarians. and what's even sadder is that i would feel more comfortable having our country run by a talk show host. ugh. i'm moving out of the country. i'm feeling ill.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007 results


Thank you for visiting this Selector. For more information on this selector and your results, go to

2008 President Selector Rankings:

1. Theoretical Ideal Candidate (100 %)
2. Barack Obama (76 %)
3. Christopher Dodd (73 %)
4. Al Gore (not announced) (69 %)
5. Alan Augustson (campaign suspended) (69 %)
6. Dennis Kucinich (68 %)
7. Wesley Clark (not announced) (65 %)
8. John Edwards (64 %)
9. Mike Gravel (61 %)
10. Joseph Biden (60 %)
11. Ron Paul (60 %)
12. Hillary Clinton (60 %)
13. Michael Bloomberg (not announced) (52 %)
14. Kent McManigal (campaign suspended) (50 %)
15. Bill Richardson (47 %)
16. Elaine Brown (40 %)
17. Rudolph Giuliani (35 %)
18. Chuck Hagel (not announced) (33 %)
19. John McCain (31 %)
20. Tommy Thompson (withdrawn) (27 %)
21. Newt Gingrich (not announced) (27 %)
22. Sam Brownback (25 %)
23. Mike Huckabee (25 %)
24. Fred Thompson (not announced) (24 %)
25. Mitt Romney (22 %)
26. Duncan Hunter (19 %)
27. Tom Tancredo (17 %)
28. Jim Gilmore (withdrawn) (16 %)

I labored on Labor Day weekend

that should be sacrelig. however, i did get a lot of things done that i had been procrastinating about.

went through my bookcase and now have a huge brown paper bag full of books to take up to half price books to try and sell. cleaned my entire house, went through old clothes of mine and The Ladybug's and ended up with 5 sacks full for goodwill - dropped all that off. washed my car, cleaned out my car, did laundry and somehow found time to go see Horizon saturday and sunday nights. whew.

i do feel better that i got all that done, but also a bit upset that i didn't really relax at all or hang out with other friends like i had hoped to. ah well. c'est la vie.

my commute to and from work on weeks i have The Ladybug is becoming unbearable. it took me 2 hours from the time i left my house, dropped her off and got into work this morning. nothing i can do about it this school year, but next year, something's gotta give. this city sucks traffic-wise and the suburbs surrounding that i have to drive through. lots of meditation and relaxation exercises are going to be at use for me.

september 24th marks me and Horizon's 6 month anniversary. we are trying to plan something on a weekend for just the two of us to go out of town and spend the weekend doing nothing but revelling in each other's company. which will be nice because we usually have all the kiddos at any given time so it's hard for us to have enough time just to bask in each other's love alone.

i am committing myself to doing research on all the presidential candidates. i did a little bit yesterday. i gotta say out of all of them i read about yesterday, mike gravel appealed to me most. of course that is subject to change at any moment because frankly, all politicians suck no matter which way you look at it. i also signed up for the green party so i can get more involved now and get their newsletter. is a slow day at work, so i'll be doing a lot of surfing today.