Friday, October 03, 2014

Oh, Paolo!


This guy. *Swoon*

So last night was an interesting experience.

A crazy storm came through the metroplex for about 10 minutes with 90 mph winds yesterday.

Some areas were hit worse than others. White Rock Lake area and East Dallas area seemed to have gotten hit the worse. Power outages, trees down, etc.

As I was driving to get to the venue last night, once I got to Mockingbird off the highway, it was very easy to see what had happened. Signal lights out, trees down everywhere. It was a mess. After finally making some headway and weaving in and out of the M streets, I finally make it to the Granada. I quickly notice that the power is out on this entire block of Greenville and notice the very long line starting to form at the venue. "This should be interesting" - I said aloud to myself in the car.

I parked in the Granada parking - there were people everywhere, but the atmosphere so bizarre with no power on the entire block. My new friend Nikki called me just as I parked and she said she asked someone what would happen if the power didn't come on...they told her that Paolo will still put on a show - it would be a candlelit acoustic set. Um, at this point I was hoping the power would stay out :)

So we made our way to the end of the ever increasing line for the show. No one was allowed in, so the amount of people in this line was crazy! It just kept winding and winding...luckily we ended up about 1/2 way in line. We stood in line for almost an hour with one guy coming around saying that a generator was on the way and they would be letting people in shortly. They finally started letting people in at 8:45. Doors were supposed to open at 7.

Immediately as you enter the Granada, the ambiance was...low and candlelit. Nikki and I went and purchased concert t-shirts and got a glass of wine, then trickled into the theater. Candles everywhere with the exception of the stage being lit up by a single generator. We pick our spot and we wait. As the people come piling in, it starts to get warm as the a/c obviously isn't working and the waft of vanilla candles starts to get a little strong. Nikki and I both found out that we have super sensitive nose powers in common last night.

Not long after, the music begins and Paolo takes the stage. The instruments are powered, the mics are powered and there are basic lights for the stage. Nothing fancy...no fancy light show. But the music was mindblowing.

I honestly am having a hard time putting this experience into words. I have seen a lot of concerts and live shows in my lifetime, and this one is definitely moved up to the top 5 list of my all time favorite shows. Paolo brought it. He did not disappoint. I was in shock and awe at how far he has come. I started listening to him when my friend Mike turned me onto him many years ago. He was just a baby. Cute, but just a baby. Loved his music.

Well, he has definitely grown into a man whose voice has matured vastly.

If you ever get a chance to check him out live, you MUST go. You will not be disappointed. His studio recordings have NOTHING on his live performance, and the studio recordings are amazing.

I talked to my friend Mike on the phone on my way to work this morning and told him about the show. He said it perfectly...."Anyone who is a true music fan would enjoy the shit out of a Paolo show. No matter what your music preference. He's the real deal".

Yes, he is.

What a memorable experience....I definitely won't be forgetting this evening anytime soon.

So, a heartfelt thank you Paolo for being a true gentleman, bearing with us and Mother Nature and delivering an unforgettable performance. You are one in a million.

Here's a small taste of part of one of his live performances:

Paolo Nutini @ Pinkpop 2014

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Turning Over A New Leaf

Why?

Because it's Fall, of course :)

Happy October 1st.

I can't believe it's already October.

I've been having a feeling of a shift, if you will, happening in me the last week or so. Not sure if it's due to the changing of the seasons, as this is my favorite season of the year or if it's just time. Just time for change and for a new beginning.

I've been feeling different lately. As I stated before, my emotions have been all over the place and I was at a real anger and resentment spot this past weekend....while letting out those feelings to the one person I probably shouldn't have...I did anyway. But maybe that was it. Maybe that's what I needed to do to let it go. I apologized the following day via text and was able to tell my husband happy birthday via text yesterday without any other emotions or anything else involved. It felt good. He sent me a couple of pictures with the food his mother made him for his birthday and I responded nicely, then the last photo I caught a glimpse of "the other girl"'s legs and boots under the table in the photo. I decided not to respond after that. It stung, but I didn't obsess on it. And I let it go.

That's a big deal for me. That's how I know that I'm changing...that I'm growing in my program and as a person. That I truly am "Letting Go and Letting God"

This separation has been the hardest thing for me. And knowing that your significant other has just moved on seemingly so easily to the next relationship makes it even worse. And the part that sucks the worst is that he promised he would never leave me again for someone else because he had done it SO MANY F'ING times thoughout our relationship before we got engaged. He promised he had changed. But you know what? That was his decision. I am not perfect and I certainly am not easy to live with, but I am worthy of happiness and I know I am worthy of being loved wholly. I refuse to let anyone hurt me anymore as I allowed before and take away my joy and my serenity, because I'm ready to have that in my life again. First and foremost, I deserve to love MYSELF. I am shifting my thoughts on myself and working on my own happiness instead of worrying and obsessing over a husband that I can't control. And you know what? It's not my problem anymore. We are separated and he made a conscious decision to do something that I'm not ok with, so he has to live with that. And maybe it's what he needs. But that's not my concern anymore. My concern is ME....loving myself, guarding myself against anything that can hurt me (for now until I'm ready to make that step which will be absolutely no time soon) and moving forward with MY life. For ME...not for anyone else. And in the future, if I do find someone else, I will be the best person I can be, worthy to give and receive love and in the best place in my life

I had been contemplating a concert this week that I wanted to attend. There were actually 2 that I was bouncing between, but one on Thursday evening that I really really wanted to go to. I hadn't made any plans with anyone to go, so I was just thinking that I wouldn't go. But yesterday, a feeling came over me and I told myself, screw this...get out of your comfort zone - you want to go, so go BY YOURSELF! YES! So I posted it to Facebook. A friend that I have had on Facebook for many years whom I have never met reached out to me and said she had been wanting to go and was also contemplating going by herself as well. So it came together...we each bought a ticket and we are meeting up before the show for a drink, then will hang out at the show together. Who knows, it could be a beginning of a beautiful friendship. That's how I know that God is working in my life. And even if that hadn't been the turn of events, I was still going by myself. I had committed and bought the ticket. I'm sure this won't be the last time that I want to do something and actually decide to do it by myself, for myself.

So here's to a great rest of the week. Here's to a happy autumn season and to change. *Cheers y'all*


Sunday, September 28, 2014

Anger and Resentment

I am feeling very angry and resentful today.  Towards my husband.

I mistakenly texted him these feelings which I will later owe him an amends for, but I am just so angry right now.

I am not perfect by any means nor have I ever portrayed this.

I know we are both hurting right now, but I feel as though I got the short end of the stick on this deal.

Throughout our relationship, we've tended to have more struggles than contentment.  But I have loved this man for so long and wanted nothing more than to marry him.

The addiction has hovered over our entire relationship and our marriage.  Despite it all, I have stuck by him.  I dealt with the crisis' the best I knew how.  I wasn't working a program and I didn't have the tools to help me, so my life became his.  His addictions.  Alcoholism and drug addiction is a family disease.  And when you are the wife of one, it becomes your life.

I used to blame him because I didn't understand.  I would become angry and say things I didn't mean because I didn't know any different.

I suppose what I said to him today reverted back to that old behavior, but I have made progress, not perfection.  Nor will it ever be perfection.

I took a vow to my husband and to God in front of our family and friends that I took seriously.  To this day, my husband still believes that I cheated on him and did things behind his back while he was using.

I remained 1,000% faithful to my husband.  My vows I took seriously.

He did not.  He blames me now for the way I acted and treated him while he was sick and he's justifying his new "relationship" with this 21 year old by blaming the demise of our marriage on me and my actions.

Dear God, I know I am not perfect like I said, but I am also a good person with a good heart and good morals.

Our relationship has become more toxic and more toxic.  Even in this separation I think.  I am sick to think that he's shacked up with this other girl - and yes, I say girl, because she's not a woman - she's 21 fucking years old.  The committee in my mind automatically goes there and goes to that dark place.  They spend all of their time together.  And he had the balls to tell me he thought we could be "friends".  I'm all about the peace and love ideal, but friends?!?  Seriously, right now?  All he's doing is justifying his actions by saying our marriage was over a long time ago.

I knew in my gut what was going on before we even separated.  He tried to convince me otherwise.

I feel like a fool right now.  Like I've been lied to, used and a freaking stepping stone.

The difference now is that I have a program and people I can reach out to who have been in my shoes.  Who know EXACTLY what I have been through and what I'm going through.  The difference now is that I feel these feelings, but I am able to get over it quicker.

I'm making progress.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell or that I don't get angry as hell like I am today.

The saddest part is that he's not even sober anymore.  I wish I could blame it on HIM, but this fucking disease is controlling his life again and leading him down  a path of these bad choices.

I probably shouldn't really be posting this to my blog...I may take it down, but for now, it's helping me.

It's helping me to type this out and to not be so angry.  To understand that the disease is back in full force again.  I feel bad for texting him out of anger now.  So be it, I will get over it and clean my side of the street when the time comes.

He's still my husband though and this fucking sucks.  I love him beyond any words can express and have stuck by him through it all and I feel like he's now thrown it away for a blonde 21 year old.  Although I know it's not the blonde 21 year old - it's the disease.  But she's still real.  And she's taken my husband and his heart.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Thanks For Sharing


So I just moved into the current age and finally got Netflix a few weeks ago.  I have seen some really great movies already that I hadn't seen or had forgotten about that I wanted to see.

I thought this one might be interesting, so I sat down to watch.  Movies written and performances such as this are phenomenal.  I tend to like the "not so well-known" movies like these.  I guess I could just call them Indie films.  I suppose that's what they are.

This movie was WOW.  I wasn't sure what it was going to be about, but I should have thought beyond the "Thanks For Sharing" title....

I will admit there were some scenes in the movie that made me a little uncomfortable, but it was also about issues that are real...and that happen in life.  That many of us are effected by in some way or another.

I don't want to give away too much in case some of my readers (that is if I have any) have not seen and would like to see it. 

If you HAVE seen it, feel free to comment and I would love to discuss the movie with you in the comments.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

"I'm Not The Only One" - Sam Smith

"I'm Not The Only One"

You and me, we made a vow
For better or for worse
I can't believe you let me down
But the proof's in the way it hurts

For months on end I've had my doubts
Denying every tear
I wish this would be over now
But I know that I still need you here

[Chorus:]
You say I'm crazy
'Cause you don't think I know what you've done
But when you call me baby
I know I'm not the only one

You've been so unavailable
Now sadly I know why
Your heart is unobtainable
Even though Lord knows you kept mine

[Chorus:]
You say I'm crazy
'Cause you don't think I know what you've done
But when you call me baby
I know I'm not the only one

I have loved you for many years
Maybe I am just not enough
You've made me realize my deepest fear
By lying and tearing us up

[Chorus 2x:]
You say I'm crazy
'Cause you don't think I know what you've done
But when you call me baby
I know I'm not the only one

I know I'm not the only one
I know I'm not the only one
And I know...
I know I'm not the only one

Same Smith - "I'm Not The Only One"

Stuck In Love


I saw this movie this past weekend and can not stop thinking about it and how brilliant it was. I had never heard of it, but started watching it on Netflix. It's very rare that movies have me feeling this way - like I could watch it over and over again and not get tired of it.

I think I might have to watch it again this weekend :)

Not to mention, quite a lovely song is in the soundtrack.

Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeros - "Home"

A Cup O' Courage

So I dressed like a girl today. :)

Not that I usually DON'T dress like a girl - I do wear skirts quite a bit, but I actually have on a "girly" dress today and I feel....wait for it....pretty. I can actually say that "I feel pretty." I've had a pretty low self esteem since I can remember so for me to actually feel that way and say it outloud is kind of a big deal. i also have on cute shoes - says the flip-flop wearer :)

I figured I needed a couple of photos to capture the moment.

Tonight is a big night for me. I am a very grateful member of a program (which I will never name by name due to traditions, however, I may refer to this as "the program" or "my program" as it is a huge part of my life). Tonight I am chairing my first meeting. *YIKES*

I know I will be fine, but me + public speaking do not usually mesh well. I have always had a hard time speaking to people that I don't know (social anxiety), an even worse time sharing personal experience in front of multiple people, and the worst time actually being the center of attention speaking at a meeting. Introvert + social anxiety = pretty much sums me up. I've gotten better over the years and another good thing about this program is it forces me to get out of my comfort zone and actually open up. It's scary as hell, but it's saving my life.

People can always tell how nervous I am in these situations. My face usually gets all flushed along with my chest and I have a hard time looking at anyone. It is my goal to get to a place to where I no longer feel this way. Everyone is always a little nervous - that's human nature, but with practice, I hope to in time become more relaxed and at ease in these situations. And have the confidence in myself that I know I should have.

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." ~ Nelson Mandela

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Insert Catchy Title Here - Hello??? *echo*

Wow, I haven't blogged in over 3 years I think?

Ok, that's not entirely true as I've had a private weight loss journal blog that I have kept for over a year, but let's be honest, it's really not the same thing. Maybe someday I will decide to share that.

I've decided to resurrect my blog.

Not sure if anyone is still out there, but I don't mind writing to the void.

So last 3 years in a nutshell....got married, life went on, problems, happiness, life went on, problems, happiness...yah yah...you get the point. Now separated from my husband since 8/5/14.

I have been a whirlwind of emotions the past couple of months to say the least. If there is an emotion to be felt, I have felt it. If not a million times over.

One thing that I always gravitate to when I am going through any sort of struggle in my life is music. It's always been my crutch and my go-to for all of life's problems.
I would consider myself an avid lover of music - of many different kinds of music and even a lot of obscure music. I would never consider myself a mainstream music listener. When things are going well in my life, I still love music and I still listen to things I enjoy. But when something has gone array in my life, it just goes deeper. I'm not sure I can put that into words, but hopefully some of you understand what I'm getting at when I say this.

I dig back into my cd collection (yes, I said cd collection) and pull out my go-to's. And I obsess on them. Some are the ones that got me through the last struggle and some are ones that got me through another tough time in my life previously.

One of these bands for me is REM. They played a HUGE role in my adolesence and shaping my music tastes. I have been listening to Automatic For The People and Out Of Time on repeat for the past 15 or so days. Did I just admit that? I mean, it's not EVERYTHING I have listened to, but I am obsessing over these albums.

I recently found out that someone that I knew a long time ago passed away a couple of years ago in a very tragic way. It got me to thinking about all of the music he turned me on to and that shaped my world at that time. These 2 albums were included in that list. You know the saying about people coming into your life for a reason and for a season - can't remember exactly how it goes...well sometimes those people that may not have been the BEST people in your life at the time leave you with something that you in-turn cherish later on in life. And for the music that he turned me onto that shaped who I am today, I truly thank him.

And I kid you not, as I type this "The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight" is playing on the radio station I listen to - 91.7 KXT (if you don't believe me, check the playlist-http://kxt.org/playlists/ 9/24 @ 1:40pm) I guess someone knew I was thinking of them and decided to throw me a sign ;)

Anyhoo, I don't consider myself as having a very good memory, but there are things and times in my life that really stand out. One of those was seeing REM at ACL fest many years ago. It was right after Johnny Cash had died and they played "Don't Go Back To Rockville" in his honor. That night they also played "Nightswimming" and "Find A River" - 2 of my all time favorite songs....not just by the band, but favorite songs in general. I remember the joy I felt at that show - it was so moving and just felt...magical.

So here I am, today, in the now. With REM and sweet memories.

REM - "Half A World Away"

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

"One" by U2

Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame
You say
One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
carry each other
carry each other
One

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
See we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love is a higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't keep holding on
To what you got
When all you've got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters, brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...
One...

Friday, May 13, 2011

~ In Stock Jewelry on Etsy ~

hey out there blogger world ~ i know i've been pretty absent lately out here ~ so much has gone on and i just don't have time to blog right now...hopefully that will change someday soon. i do love to write!

i have been making lots of jewelry and have updated my etsy shop with all of my in stock items. take a look and feel free to purchase anything you'd like :)

http://www.etsy.com/shop/sunshinebuttrflygirl

you can also find me on facebook : search "sunshine butterfly creations"

ciao for now!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

~ NECKLACE SALE ~

heya blogger world ~

all of my in stock necklaces are for sale in my ebay shop. you have 3 days ~ happy bidding! :)

MY EBAY

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

New Necklaces

hey guys - i've been working hard on some new necklaces and now have them up for sale on Etsy....

check em out!!!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/sunshinebuttrflygirl

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Diet Time Again


so i have 59 days until my wedding.

diet started again 3 days ago. i have to stick to it for the next 2 months so i can be a lovely bride.

the first 3 days of this diet makes me feel like pooooo. all the protein and raw green veggies i can eat. no carbs or sugars. bleh. body going through withdrawls and detox. not necessarily a bad thing, but feel crappy none-the-less. i lost 35 lbs on it, gained 10, lost 5 and now i'm back on full throttle, so we'll see how far i get this time. wish me luck!

ciao ~

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Psycho Ramblings From The Overworked And Underpaid : Volume 8

email from work : ... "We are missing an eclectic hole puncher..."

butterfly : “eclectic”? what exactly is an ECLECTIC hole punch? Is it a little bohemian?

ivycurlz : Oh it’s a souped up version of the electric one, its all the rage!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Bridesmaids

i have been trying to decide what colors i want my bridesmaid's dresses to be. i recently saw the movie 'wedding crashers' and absolutely fell in love with the bridesmaid's dresses in this movie. i love the scarlet colored ones at the end, but this is the one i am speaking of :

i am also incorporating this color into my dress now. so it will be the green from below and this sand/nude color in the sash. i think it will be stunning.

so here's the thing. i haven't actually been to any bridal shops locally yet, but i would like the dress to be under $100 for my bridesmaids. since i am a bit granola and my dress is very eco-friendly, i would also love the bridesmaid's dresses to be as well...but if not, i can let it slide.

any ideas out there? and any links that you find, please feel free to let me know.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

It's All About The Dress, Right?

so some of you out there might know how much of a non girlie-girl i am and i'm pretty simple as far as fashion/design goes. but i knew when and if i was ever getting married, i was going to have a very lovely, talented sweet mama make my dress for me. i will post who it is once i get the dress, so you'll just have to be in suspense until then. i did want to post the direction it is going in.


the above photo is the basis of the dress. it will be made from hemp silk charmeuse. (no you can not smoke my dress after the wedding, so don't even ask - i've already had plenty of requests to do so :p)
the above photo will show the color green sash that will be under the bodice of the dress. it will be this color green and my seamstress will also be incorporating another green (in place of the brown shown in the photo).
and lastly, the above photo is the rough sketch of my dress. originally we were going to go with the brown in the sash like the photo above this, but i have changed my mind and now we are incorporating 2 shades of green. obviously the colors in the sketch aren't true to actual color.

i'm so excited about my dress i can hardly see straight. anything else about the plans could fall into place by themselves for all i care. i can't wait to wear this gorgeous piece of art. :)

Is This Thing On?

howdy cyber blog world. i've been MIA for quite some time, but just had the urge to pop in and say hello.


a lot has happened since my last post.


the biggest news is i am blissfully engaged to my amazing fiance since november 7, 2010. our wedding date is set at march 26, 2011, but this is about as far as we've gotten. i am having my dress made and the lovely mama that will be stitchin it up is starting on it tomorrow :) i'm so excited. it's going to be stunning!





i am still getting used to the fact that i am engaged or hearing myself being called "fiance" or "soon to be wife", however, it didn't take long for me to get used to my ring being on my finger. i am not one that wears any jewelry with the exception of necklaces. i never have worn rings before. but i stare at it all the time. it's perfect, simple and beautiful. whenever it is off of my finger (washing dishes, washing hands, shower), i feel completely naked.


life is good!


i went through a horrible quick relationship that ended in june that i would rather not rehash. my fiance and i have been together off and on for 6 years. he came back into my life at the beginning of july and it was finally meant to be. our relationship is stronger than ever and our love for each other only grows daily. i am incredibly blessed and a very lucky woman.


and I'M GETTIN MARRIED!!!! :) :) :) :) :)


the ladybug is doing well. she's in the 6th grade (my eyes still bug out when i say or read that), learning to play the violin and making great grades. she's really excited about our engagement and the union of both of our families, which she will be getting 3 more siblings - 2 brothers and a sister. she's such a joy and such an amazing little person.


other than that, i lost a bunch of weight. 35 lbs to be exact. however, over the last 2 months, i gained 10 of it back. :\ so i'm back on my diet now and i've lost 6 of those 10 lbs already, but ultimately i'm headed for 20 more to be at my goal weight. then it will all be about maintaining.


i've also begun a life-program that is amazing. it's a process and something i will be including in my life for the remainder of my days, but i feel very positive about it. it's something that my fiance and i do together and it will be a major staple and strength in our long life together.


christmas is coming up entirely too quickly. this is my favorite time of year, but it comes and goes in the speed of light. AND i haven't gotten any christmas shopping done, so guess what we will be doing this weekend? joy. i wish i could just make everyone something, but obviously ran out of time to be able to do that too. gotta love procrastination.


work has been insanely busy and part of the reason why i haven't been posting on here at all as well.


so that's about it for now. i will try not to be such a stranger. i miss blogging. it's always a good form of therapy. ;)


hope my 2 faithful readers out there are doing wonderfully and enjoying life to the fullest.


~ much love ~

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Joys of MortgageLand

yes, these 2 stories REALLY happened. and today actually :

1. i underwrote a loan where the borrower has had 2 jobs in the last 2 years and his most current job, he was laid off and on unemployment for a couple of months THIS year. so i asked that the employer state the dates of unemployment on the verification of employment and MUST state that it was not likely to happen again.

broker responds with an email stating that the borrower is upset about this and why would we need this, etc.

i respond back with "unfortunately I need them to state that it is unlikely to happen in the future to establish stability of income. His employment is not 100% stable in my opinion."

so broker responds back with "what about his employment is not stable?!"

so we go round and round....this was last week.

this morning, we get an email from the broker...

"Good Morning,

Please do NOT continue working on the above file. Customer has cancelled.

Thanks"

so ivycurlz emails her back and asks if she wants us to go ahead and cancel out the file.

her response :

"please..................guess what.................Mr. S* lost his job !!!............guess the underwriter called that one, huh !!!"

----------------

2. "This is an emergency we are going to lose this loan if we don't fund for september. Conditions attached - lets get the CTC!!!

Thanks again, *name withheld*"

let me clarify that CTC means 'clear to close'.

so ivycurlz looks at the conditions that were sent in and the broker fails to realize that the written verification of employment that was completed by the employer states that the borrower RESIGNED 9/8/10.


DEAR LORD HELP ME.

__________________________________________

soooooo......

no, these scenarios did NOT happen, but we made fun anyway :

butterfly : Hey I have a borrower that has been at 12 jobs in the last 2 years and unemployment on top of that. But we PROMISE they will still be at their job for many years to come, so you shouldn’t need to prove stability of income, right?

Kthxbye.

farls : ok so my borrower has never had a job but promises to get one if you approve this mortgage loan.
Please condition for the promise note, and make that a funding condition...need to close asap!

ivycurlz : Scenario:
Excellent credit customer (mid 500’s) been on the job for 6 months (laid off twice in the last year its not their fault though I can get an LOX) and only 42 NSF’s in the past 60 days, what do you think?

butterfly : Hey! I need a CTC right now like yesterday like right now and here all my conditions and I’m such an idiot that I didn’t even see that the VOE says he had resigned. OMG> LOL. IDK. I’m so silly.

farls : I really need to close this file, the borrowers girlfriends, cousin's, neighbor's, best friend is going to promise to split the payment if he can use the garage for a pharmaceutical production facility.Borrowers promises this is not an illegal operation and will be very profitable, can you make this a funding condition? Really need to get this done before the end of the month.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Jeremy Spoke In Class Today

this is an odd post and entirely random as i haven't posted on this thing in so long, but this is sparked by a conversation i had over the weekend about the well-known pearl jam song "jeremy". years after the song came out i remember having arguments with people about who this song was about. it took me way back and brought back so many memories. i argued that this was about a kid that killed himself in richardson, a suburb of dallas. i would always get crazy looks and the "whatever" reactions.

i met jeremy prior to his death. the memory is a little hazy, but i remember his face. end of 1990-beginning of january 1991. i was 14, about to be 15 and in the 9th grade. i was over at my friend dusty's house one day and there was this kid jeremy there - if i remember correctly he had a friend or two with him as well. i remember us all hanging out for a while that day although i don't remember what we did. i remember that jeremy liked dusty very much, and i remember talking to her about him and her feelings toward him were not mutual. so i'm pretty sure they stopped talking. it wasn't long after that time that we had heard the news that he had killed himself in front of his classroom in a high school a few miles away from us. dusty and i had started to drift apart as friends at that time, but i do remember talking to her and she was so distraught by it and feeling like somehow her not liking him back had a part in his actions. we were just kids when this happened, but the affect it had on us was scarring. we were too young to understand.

so this morning, i got on the internet and did some research. there are interviews with eddie vedder where he does in fact state that this song was written after he had read the news about jeremy wade delle taking his own life in front of his high school classroom at richardson high school in richardson, tx.

going back to this time in my mind is so strange...i haven't visited that specific place in so many years.

jeremy, so many years after you took your own life, i think of you today and remember back to the day that you did this. i'm sorry that you felt like you had to leave this earth when you did. being a teenager was the roughest part of my life...it's amazing that many of us do make it out alive. i remember your face and seeing your photo has a true sense of eeriness. rest in peace, dear jeremy.
here's a good website dedicated to him : http://www.ssheps.com/jeremynew.htm

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Stairway to Where?

butterfly: and she's buying a stairway
to your mama's houseeeeeeee

ivycurlz: and as I wind on down the road, my culos bigger than my soul

Thursday, July 22, 2010

If You Love Someone....


boy: baby i've come to the conclusion that we need to be together forever
and ever
andever
and ever

girl: finally...took you long enough to come to that conclusion!
boy: im serious
I love you and I dont wanna not be with you anymore
girl: really?
REALLY?!?!?!
boy: baby
im serious

girl: i know i'm serious too
i never thought you would say any of this to me
my heart is racing
boy: well i am buddy
so just deal with it
girl: i would love nothing more than to deal with it
boy: you're the only person that has truly loved me and I was always to scared of it and always ran away
it scared me and i ran all the time
I dont want to run away anymore
girl: yes i know you did. and every time it broke my heart.
but i could never and would never force you to feel something you didn't
boy: im sorry
girl: please don't apologize
boy: I've always loved you
always
girl: just as i've always loved you
boy: no matter what i've said or done
always
and when we weren't together I missed you so much
girl: i almost don't know what to say
i feel like i'm dreaming

boy: i miss u
girl: i miss you too
boy: what do you think about what i said
??
girl: i'm still in shock. it feels like i'm dreaming.
boy: ???
girl: i'm speechless.
boy: i dont wanna be away from you again
girl: i never thought you would say those things to me
i don't want you to either
boy: well i saying them now
girl: so really? forever?
boy: we dont need to be apart again
ever
-------------------
i never knew if i truly believed in the saying "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

it wasn't until i TRULY TRULY let go (and yes, there is a difference between saying you have let go and truly doing so - i've experienced both - the prior many times) and had moved on, that he came back.

so a girl falls in love with a boy again.

for the first time.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Philippe Cousteau, Jr.


i would like to take a moment to put the spotlight on this young man! ....philippe cousteau jr is an absolute inspiration. he's come into the spotlight as of late with the oil spill. yes, he is the grandson of jacques cousteau. and look at him, he's pretty easy on the eyes to boot.

http://www.philippecousteau.com/

he's been on media shows recently speaking about the oil spill and offering his expertise and opinion on the matter. he is the CEO of earthecho international, a non-profit organization whos mission is to empower youth to take action that restores and protects our water planet. he is the chief ocean correspondent for animal planet and also for planet green channel.

what an inspiration he is and his work is dignifying.

so a handsome environmentalist. what more could you ask for? :p

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

"Can A President Be An Angry Black Man?"

Can A President Be An Angry Black Man?

please read and open for discussion.

firstly, this article is interesting and has some good points. however, i am getting a little irritated with all of the media's hype about the emotion / lack of emotion coming from our president. a lot of my respect and likeness for my president is that he is a calm and collective human being. black, white, green, orange...i don't give a flying frack. this is a sign of strength and intelligence in my opinion. it is not in his nature to be an angry person or a hot-head. didn't we all know this by now? george w. bush was a hot-head and flew off the handle every time we turned around. not to mention the fact that he is not very smart....someone like that is not someone who i want running our country. i want someone who is calm, collective and takes time to make a well thought-out educated decision on matters especially concerning the affect on my country. john mccain was george w. bush hot-head junior. he made that painfully obvious throughout all of the debates that mccain and obama had prior to obama being elected.

so either way....our president can not win. if he comes out flailing, he's automatically considered the "angry black man" by RWNJ's and if he comes out calm and collective, then he's not showing enough emotion. wtf people seriously. do i agree with my president 100%? no. do i support him 100%? yes. because i have faith in him and believe he has our best interest at heart for our country. do i think he should have acted a little quicker after the explosion of this oil rig? maybe so. but people need to quit putting all of this on him. this is not our president's "katrina" - which if i hear someone else say this, i am going to scream. he can't put on a wetsuit and become aquaman and dive 1 mile under the ocean and shut the leak off. he is doing the best that he can with the tools that he has. not to mention all of the other million pressing issues that our country has at the moment. he is only one man. one human man. have a little faith in him people and quit criticizing every little thing he does - especially something as trivial as showing the "correct" amount of emotion or not. ugh.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Lo-cal

crackmonkey : i'm trying to keep it local, like my produce. ;)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Jesus Built My Hot Rod

ivycurlz: 4 missing after sinkhole swallows Quebec home
the earth is eating us
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37085694/ns/world_news-americas/
butterfly: sweeeeeeeeeeeet baby jesus with a thumb up his nose
ivycurlz: sweeeeet baby jesus got a rumble in his belly
hungry for humannzzz
jesus is a zombie
jesus built my hot rod
butterfly: i forgot to tell you happy zombie jesus day on easter
ivycurlz: its a love affair mainly between jesus and my hot rod, yeah fuck it
butterfly: i wanted to post that on my fb, but i was afraid too many people would get offended
stupid people. jesus was a funny guy.
ivycurlz: i would be offended
weeeeeeeeeeee
butterfly: i know you would...you were the one i was worried about
wheeeeeeeeeeee
zombie jesus
ivycurlz: he was prolly the class clown
silly jesus
pranks are for april 1st