Thursday, August 27, 2009

RIP SRV ~ August 27, 1990

19 years ago today, we lost a brilliant musician. you are missed so dearly, stevie. God bless Texas...

~ soul to soul ~"You see, we are here, as far as I can tell, to help each other; our brothers, our sisters, our friends, our enemies. That is to help each other and not hurt each other." ~ Stevie Ray Vaughan

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


image courtesy of photobucket

please excuse my rawness and possible manic ranting in this post, but i view this as part of my healing process, so goes nothin. again....i apologize for the mere craziness of this post.

my love and i broke up yesterday. i will leave all the history out of this post, but just know we have been through A LOT together - from a drug and alcohol addiction to money issues to issues with children and ex's. it's been a roller coaster ride literally. we decided in november to give it one more shot. with all of the issues out of the way, we wanted to start a new. things were great. i truly thought things were going to work out this time. it's unfortunate how hard it is to get past some things at times. i had an underlying trust issue that was never quite resolved. we have struggled with them this whole time. it's been a slight issue, but i think i've managed pretty well with it. it seemed to be getting better.

things have been a little "off" for the past month and a half or so. let me preface with the fact that my now ex is a musician and is travelling most of the time. he's not home a whole lot, but we did live together and were sharing our lives together when he was at home and off the road. things haven't seemed right for a little while. we've gotten into a few spats and fixed them. we went on vacation to new orleans and had a wonderful time. as soon as we got home, something happened. someone from his past got into contact with him and he lied to me about it. it was bad. we got into it and things haven't been right for a week. he was out of town this past weekend and got back sunday night exhausted and very distant. i left for work yesterday morning - he was still asleep. he sent a text message to me yesterday morning saying we needed to have a serious talk about everything. i immediately called him. i could hear in his voice what was about to happen. it was a short conversation. i finished all my work - i left - went home and as i suspected everything of his was out of the apartment and the key under the mat. couldn't get a hold of him via text message or phone call.

got to the computer to check my email and his email was still up - he hadn't logged out. well...what did i find? of course communication between him and this "ex girlfriend" for whom he wrote a song about - stupid me thinking it was just a song about a girl...from his past. emails to her at the beginning of july saying how he had dreamed about her all night and couldn't stop thinking about her and that he will always love her. return emails from her stating how she will always love him and misses him. and then of course a more recent email entitled "for you" with a link to a youtube video of him playing his song he wrote for her and addressing it to her.

i'm crushed.

i'm so so so so so very angry and my heart is broken into so many pieces. AGAIN, i am 2nd. it seems like i have been in way too many situations where i have been 2nd choice. i am tired of being that person. and when you are that person for so long, you almost feel like you will be that way forever. but i know i don't deserve that. no one deserves that.

i am not blaming him for the demise of this relationship. i certainly have not been perfect - no one is. i had my role and i've made mistakes and said or done things that i'm not necessarily proud of.

but this by far is the ultimate betrayal.

so here i am in a whirlwind of emotions i go from a slight tear to fierce anger. i didn't sleep a wink last night - had major crazy dreams about his family last night as well. it was bizarre.

and to top it off there are kids involved. not "ours" together but mine and his. and they have become so close.

i can't believe he just up and left. no communication - no nothing. he did this once before to me but we had been through the "why" of it and the promise of it never happening again that i truly thought it wouldn't. and here we are.

no more more tries. no more making up. i am washing my hands completely of him from my life and starting the healing process. i know it's not as bad as in previous times because i've already been through it several times.

i know that i am going to focus solely for now on myself and on my daughter. i have put off so many things that i have wanted to do for myself and i plan to tackle them one at a time.

outdoor soccer season starts this sunday, so there's my first step. i'm looking forward to the intense running and sweating and releasing the toxins from my body...the emotional and physical ones.

sorry to be such a downer. i won't be any worse than this. it's all uphill from here. i have to go throw the motions AND the emotions and start my road to healing.

i am normally not such an open person about my personal life especially on here, but today, i felt i should be. that i needed to be.

i am thanking God for another day and asking him for the strength to guide me through this tough time in my life. better days are ahead.

*on a side and happy note, i would like to thank my sweet sweet soul sister, brandi for purchasing one of my necklaces from my etsy shop. you have no idea what the support means to me. check out her blog HERE and her photography HERE. she's such a creative and beautiful soul. thank you so much my darling. hugs and kisses to you.*

Saturday, August 15, 2009


well, leave it to me to accidentaly delete two of the photos i was trying to post in the photo blog and i couldn't get them back in order, so here ya go.

french quarter - new orleans

our hotel

Photo Blog of Natchitoches and New Orleans, LA

well...i am FINALLY recouping from my week long vacation. been home for a week and i'm still in a slight daze. well worth it though. when i can find the time and the energy (not an overabundance of it quite yet around here), i will blog in detail about the trip. but for now, here are some photos to take you along our journey. i took many more, but i chose a few of my favorites. enjoy!

i would like to first set off the mood as we were leaving dallas headed east, "born on the bayou" by CCR came on the radio. couldn't get any better than that...

leaving shreveport, LA - headed southbound

had to snap a shot of this sign in the boudin shop - we had definitely entered coon ass country - i could hardly understand a word anyone was saying - strong south louisiana accent
the boudin (prounounced boodan) shop in breaux bridge, LA (famous for the boudin)

crawfish balls from the boudin shop.

the atchafalaya basin - largest swamp in the US - definitely don't want to be breakin down around these here parts

another shot of the atchafalaya basin (please notice how i did not get OUT of the car to take a photo - there's a good reason for that ;) )

welcome to natchitoches (pronounced nakitish)

view towards the cane river from the river walk - it was breathtaking

fountain in the cane river - see the rainbow? :)

stunning magnolia tree along the cane river

all the benches looked like this. the fleur de lis definitely has a new meaning to me after experiencing louisiana.

banana plants outside the roque house

gorgeous, huge, OLD oak tree - i fell in love with it. the photo doesn't do it any justice.

the roque house

the roque house door

front door to the roque house

the steel magnolia house - primary filming of the film "steel magnolias" - they filmed the movie in natchitoches

the steel magnolia house

the mighty mississippi river - crossing over into baton rouge, LA

chartres street - french quarter - new orleans, LA

our hotel - le richelieu

one of my favorite photos of the trip - the andrew jackson statue in jackson square. i was amazed how this photo came out

jackson square in the morning

in between jackson square and the st. louis cathedral. i love the colors in this photo.

joan of arc statue - maid of orleans

gas lamps along the streets of the french quarter. i absolutely fell in love with them. especially at night. it completed the feel and ambiance of new orleans for me.

trompone player outside cafe du monde

cafe du monde coffee - i don't drink coffee, but for regular coffee drinkers, it's some of the best coffee in the world...chickory

beignets at cafe du monde. yes, they are as delicious as they look.

lake pontchartrain (the r is silent) and the causeway. 2nd largest salt water lake in the US. the causeway is the largest bridge over a body of water in the WORLD! 24 miles long. we drove all the way across and all the way back. i really felt connected in this part of louisiana - this is where many of my ancestors are from.

french quarter - new orleans

chartres street - new orleans

french quarter - new orleans

the seafood platter at deanie's. mikey and lance split it and still didn't get 1/2 way through it. good lord!

inside the st. louis cathedral

the st. louis cathedral

let me explain this photo as it came out very fuzzy. this is the statue of jesus behind the st. louis cathedral. we were walking back to our hotel from bourbon street one night and the shadow from the statue on the cathedral was utterly amazing. the photo did not capture it at all.

statue of jesus behind the st. louis cathedral. i thought it was really neat how the bird was sitting on his outstretched hand.

and this concludes our photo journey. i hope you enjoyed it. i will sit down and write more about the trip later, but it's amazing the stories that can be told through pictures. i'm definitely going back, but i have to admit, i will not be going back to new orleans in august. it was SWELTERING hot. even in the tour guide books, they have events for every month and what's listed under august says "In August, we sweat." nothing else. and that's the truth.