Thursday, August 09, 2007

FOR.THE.LOVE.OF.PETE.

sooooooo....Horizon came over last night just so we could sleep next to each other - it wasn't until late and i was already asleep. tonight we are going out...but....i am straying from my point here.

my phone rings at the butt-crack of dawn this morning. in my groggish daze, i finally awaken, focus enough to try and read the number coming through my phone. i recognized the area code, but the number wasn't in my phone, so i had no idea who it was. after a moment of contemplation as to whether or not i was going to talk to this bastard who had the balls to call me at 5:15 in morning (somebody better be dead or in jail or severely on the brink of death...), i finally answer the phone. didn't recognize the voice at first, then it hit me instantly. The-EX-Roomie / ex-boyfriend. fabulous. completely caught me off guard. keep in mind i haven't talked to him literally since february. Horizon is stirring a bit as i'm trying to talk quietly. basically he called to tell me he wanted to hear my voice and that he wanted to see me and that he thinks about me a lot. ok...um...WHAT?!?! you f'in ass mangler. at first i'm like "hmmm...really?!"...then that moment of surprise, got caught completely in anger. i immediately get out of bed and head downstairs as not to awaken my sleeping beauty next to me with the nasty words that are about to fly out of my mouth.

so i proceed : "so what exactly is it that you miss, "The-EX-Roomie"? hmmmm? was it the second to last time i saw you when you had your massive hand gripping my throat or was it the LAST time when you were yelling at me in the back of my own car telling me 'shut the fuck up, bitch'?"

*dead silence*

The-EX-Roomie : "uh...that's not what i meant...you know how sorry i am for all that..."

moi: "yah...well...i have forgiven, but i'm also not stupid enough to forget."

he proceeds to tell me that he is at the sister's house of one of our mutual friends because he's helping him with his new album. so i ask if said friend knows that he was calling me. "no."...

moi: "ah...well of course not, because he would have chewed your ass up and down for it." (said friend is very protective of me at this point after the way The-EX-Roomie had treated me.

moi: "look, The-EX-Roomie, i don't have anything against you, i don't hate you...none of that...i just truly don't see any need in us talking. i mean if i see you somewhere where other mutual friends are, i will be cordial, but i don't want to be speaking to you on a friendly basis ever again. i have finally gotten to a point where i'm happy in my life, have minimal drama, and have found a very loving, caring man who has chosen to share his life with me. what more could i want?"

"well...."

moi: "ok....i'm just going to go ahead and end this conversation now...goodbye The-EX-Roomie."

hang up. take a huge breath and say to myself how proud i am of myself for what i just did.

start to walk up the stairs to go back to bed and my phone beeps with a text message.

"i would really like to see you"

jesus.fucking.christ.on.a.cracker.

whatever.

lay back down and crawl as close as i can to my honey without suffocating him...lay awake for a bit longer, then next thing i know my alarm is going off. ugh. joy of joys.

so i contemplate what had just happened for the first part of the morning at work. i decided to tell Horizon about it. i emailed him and asked if he remembered my phone ringing...he did, but was too out of it to even hear what i had said. i told him everything. he immediately responded with care and concern and said i should have woken him up after the phone call so we could have talked about it and he could have comforted me. how sweet is he? that wasn't what i needed to do though. honestly, i realize now the conversation and me mulling it over in my mind was all i needed to do within myself to let it go. (of course i am blogging about it, but now i'm just telling a story and not blogging about something that effects my life on an emotional level)

so there we have it my friends. go me! i actually stood up for myself and said what needed to be said at the time it needed to be said. wow, maybe the older i get, the wiser i become. or quick witted for that matter. or maybe it was all the years of watching the gilmore girls.

6 comments:

Oceanshaman said...

Butterfly,

I dig your blog, from what I can tell given a brief workday review, and am honored to have gotten a link. I'll return the favor when I get home later this evening . . .

Plus, I'll check your blog out a bit more. Looks like you and I share many a common thread . . .

Listening to a great 09-16-78 Dead show, best of the Egypt shows, so they say . . .

Namaste . . .

bluegreen dragonfly said...

5:15 in the morning is grounds for activating a few of my italian cousins with questionable modes of income. Just let me know, k?

tasha said...

Good for you for standing your ground!!! I've been in a abusive relationship (I typed relationshit at first lmao) and guys like that just don't change. Once they do it (hit, choke, etc) it's just too easy to continue w/the abuse. I'm proud of you! ;)

Butterfly said...

Oceanshaman: thanks for the comment. i actually found your blog in a search i did under "awareness" interests i believe. i enjoyed it, so i linked you. i will be visiting frequently. :) namaste ~

bluegreen dragonfly: girl, who are you kiddin? if it happens again, seriously...i'm callin you to get in contact with those italian cousins of yours.

tasha: thanks for your kind words. i had been in an abusive relationship when i was younger and said i would never stand to take it if it happened again. this was the first time it had happened in all the years and regardless if it was drug/alcohol induced, he still did it and realized after it happened that i would not let it go on. we are stronger than that as women and shouldn't have to put up with shit like that from anyone...male or female for that matter.

you guys are awesome! loves!

Lulu said...

wow..the nerve of that guy...I can't believe he did that! Way to stand up to him!!

Adrienne said...

Yowza....was he drunk? I mean jesus shit man that's earrrly. Calling me that early and like you said if nobody's in jail or dead, I'm gonna be one pissed off Irish girl. Good for you for standing up for yourself man!