Psycho Ramblings From The Overworked And Underpaid : Volume 2

butterfly says: i'm underwriting this loan for a guy whose job title is "lubeman"
butterfly says: ha!
ivycurlz says: lol
ivycurlz says: sweet
ivycurlz says: hi i'm your Lubeman, how can i service you today?
butterfly says: h.e. butts, please report to the lubeman station. h.e. butts.
ivycurlz says: we need any available lubeman to report to the Seamens counter in the H.E. Butts division

Peace

when the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.

~ jimi hendrix

The 9 Most Devastating Insults From Around The World

this is the greatest thing since sliced bread. well....it made my day anyway. i needed this hilarity. :)

The 9 Most Devastating Insults From Around The World

Rattletree Marimba

time for a 'pimp my friends' segment:

alright all you hippie dippies out there....if any of you are local and want to go see a groovy show this weekend, join me on friday at the lakewood bar and grill for my great friends chase and martin from tall w/ special guests and a very good friend of mine from high school as well - joel laviolette & rattletree.

Brand New Day

just when i thought work was better this week, it completely took a turn for the worse. how can ONE PERSON come into a position and ruin the moral and the flow of a company within less than a month's time? SERIOUSLY. if i could walk out and quit today without worrying about having $$ to live on, i would do it.

so, i need this song today. sorry i'm so negative lately. i might take a break from here until i straighten out my chi and get more of a positive flow back in my life.

Tuesday Zen

All conditioned things are impermanent. Work out your own salvation with diligence.

~ The Buddha's last words

Insert Clever Title Here

my boss is back this week so i was able to tell her about last week and she is not at all happy with how things went down while she was on vacation, so things are already better and my stress level is now back to normal. i can breathe again. last week was incredibly rough for me up here that it was effecting everything - my sleep patterns, how i was treating people and having panic attacks in the middle of the night. i completely reverted into my own personal hell last week. it was terrible and i'm glad it's over with.

i took the weekend to recoup and had a great time with the ladybug and got some good soccer in as well.

there is still one thing that is completely irritating me to the point of wanting to scream at this person and confront them. (and you have to push me VERY VERY far in order for that to ever happen). i have now had to make my myspace private which i am extremely upset about because i do have friends out there that do not have myspace accounts, but are able to see mine because i've always kept it open. i asked this stalker of mine, whom i will now name, STACI to please refrain from lurking around on my blog and my myspace twice now. i've done it in the nicest way possible. i made a post about a week back that i had since deleted after i knew she had read it, but alas, i still find her IP address on my sitemeter. after i saw this AGAIN, i went ahead and sent her an email directly asking her as nicely as i possibly could to stop visiting my sites and to stay out of my life. after doing so, her IP address is still showing up. more so on my myspace than this blog now. apparently she doesn't realize that i have figured out her home IP address and it shows up as verizon in plano, texas - along with her work IP address. i might not be completely in tune with in depth computer workings, but i am also pretty versatile and can figure things out on my own.

i do not understand the mind of people like this when someone asks you nicely to stop doing something and you just are so obsessed with having to delve into this person's life that isn't even part of your own. it's very sad. she needs to work on her own life and her children other than obsessing on things that are none of her business in the first place.

hopefully this is the last time i'm going to have to mention this. if it doesn't stop now, i will have to create another blog where she will be unable to find it and continue to keep my myspace private, which i do not wish to do, because i'm not that private of a person.

anyway....sorry for the bitch session, but this is my last resort.

i sure hope you all had a lovely weekend and i hope this week brings you joy.

Flashback Friday : Volume 31

i hadn't heard this song in years and i heard it randomly the other day. eric clapton could arguably be one of the best all time guitarists/musicians in the world and this little collaboration with babyface, was quite the gem.

perfect for this friday. *cheers*

"change the world"

The Sun Is A Mass of Incandescent Gas

having a crappy work week guys - sorry. i'll probably be fairly quiet the remainder of the week.

however, here is a good science lesson for the day. and this band makes me smile. because they are coo-coo for cocoa puffs.



ah yes, and i should save this for flashback friday, but meh....what the hay.

My Heritage

i'm ashamed to say i have lived most of my life up to this point mostly unaware of where i come from. i know who i am in many senses of the word, but as far as my ancestry, i've been laxed to say the least.

i knew bits and pieces here and there, and from time to time, i would feel an interest in it, but never took the time to sit down and talk to my folks about it all.

this weekend i did. and we talked for a longggggggggggg time.

firstly i'm a 3rd generation native texan (woo-hoo) from my mother's side of the family. that's always something to be proud of. i may move out of texas eventually, but it will always be my home & my base root. and despite some "people" (if you can even call them that) that are tagged with being from here that are less than desirable, i'm definitely proud of my state. those are just a few bad seeds. :-p

i've forever been enthralled with native american culture. i was never sure if it was envy or if it really is a part of me. i knew when i was a little girl and my hair was long and straight as a board in the summers i would get so dark and tan that my mother used to comment that she really could see the indian in me. i never paid much attention to it. turns out i'm 1/32nd choctaw for a fact. my grandmother's ancestors (mom's mother's side) mostly came from louisiana near lake pontchartrain and natchitoches (which is pronouced "nacotiche" - also where they filmed the movie "steal magnolias").

on my grandfather's side (my mom's father's side), we have ancestry dated back to the revolutionary war - somehow it's been traced back that we are kin to zachary taylor. kinda groovy there.

on my dad's side of the family, we definitely have some cherokee, but it is unknown exactly how much (i might actually start doing some research on this on my grandmother's side of the family). my grandfather's (dad's father's side) is full of western european ancestry. (must be why whenever i have met someone overseas, each one of them has said that i "look" european - who knows).

my dad's father's side and mother's father's side have really been researched and traced back very far. there are still some loopholes on my dad's mother's side and mom's mother's side that are unknown and i think i might take it upon myself to do some research. not sure what all that would entail, but i am pretty interested in finding out. even though i never met my mom's mother, i've always felt a strong connection to her...when i see her pictures or read things that she wrote, etc. i think that must be calling to me.

so there's the basics. basically i am a huge MUT, but now atleast i know the combination of it all. :)

in finding all of this out, i found a connection with a very close friend of mine on the louisiana/choctaw side. i've spoken with him and we are actually going to plan a visit to the land of my ancestors. i am so excited to be able to see it and see if i truly feel the physical connection of the land itself.

what is your ancestry and do you feel connections from distant kinship?

Cherokee Prayer

this prayer was given to me by my father and has been framed on my nightstand since i was 18. i recite it today.

O' GREAT SPIRIT

help me always

to speak the truth quietly,

to listen with an open mind

when others speak,

and to remember the peace

that may be found in silence.

Cherokee Prayer

Flashback Friday : Volume 30

drive-by flashbackin. super busy again today.

the shamen - "move any mountain"

So Busy At Work That I Can't Breathe...

...but this made me laugh.

butterfly says: i saw that you typed me something, but it went away
butterfly says: what did you say?
the davish one says: is it Friday yet?!?!?!?
the davish one says: that's what I wrote
butterfly says: lol
butterfly says: must be why it disappeared
the davish one says: lol
the davish one says: CENSORSHIP!!
butterfly says: big brotha won't let it be fryday
butterfly says: bastardo!!!!!
the davish one says: NOOOOOOOOO!
the davish one says: **today is not friday, and cannot be displayed. Your Big Brother. Keep Working. All is well**
butterfly says: precisely

"Baby, I Love Your Way"

"Piece by Piece"

it's no secret that tori amos(amazingly wikipedia has a great bio on her) is a huge inspiration and big influence in my life. i do not know her personally, and reading that you may think..."why is someone whom is not even physically a part of her life such a huge part of it?" well....let me explain.

i was introduced to tori's album, "under the pink" my senior year in high school - 1994.

i was an instant fan. she was brand new to me, so of course after finding out that she had already put out an album prior - "little earthquakes" - released in 1992, i went out and purchased that as well. (cassette tape, mind you)

i felt a connection with her music. a very strong connection. i had been through a few traumatic events in my life by that time and i realized that she obviously had the same sort of things happen to her. i then found out that she had been raped as well and in june of 1994, she co-founded RAINN. she was instantly a muse to me.

my first concert of hers that i went to was at the beautiful majestic theater. the setting was perfect. back then, they didn't have computers (or atleast it was hard to have access to one because they were too expensive for the average joe) nor, the internet....so all i had seen of her was in magazines or a few videos on MTV. i had no idea what i was about to witness. this woman had so much sexuality and was so eccentric, i was instantly in awe. i wanted so badly to BE HER. she literally "made love" to her piano. and she did it in a way that was seductive, yet tasteful and arousing.

i became a loyal follower from that point on. i learned all i could about her with the references that were available. (which wasn't much back then)...i bought all of her albums that were released and went and saw her in concert every time she came through.

my experience with most are that you either adore tori amos, or you don't care for her what-so-ever. there's really not much of an inbetween with her because she is that strong of a personality.

she has mellowed out a bit lately with her albums "scarlet's walk" and "the beekeeper". i have to admit i haven't yet purchased her latest "american doll posse" (shame on me). i find myself listening to "the beekeeper" atleast once a week. it's such a beautiful experience.

a while back i bought her book "piece by piece" co-written with ann powers.

i had yet to actually sit down and read it - i actually let my friend josi borrow it about a year ago...last time i was at the book store i saw it and decided to buy another copy because i was ready to delve into it.

i got home from work last night and decided i was going to straighten up the house, start on some laundry and have some "me" time. i lit some candles, lit my nag champa, curled up in my bed and opened the front cover. next thing i knew, i was finished with the entire book. never in my life have i sat down in one setting and finished a book. (unless of course maybe it was only 100 pages or something of the sort).

how ironic is it that my spiritual journey has started and my questions and initial beliefs coincide with tori amos'? i learned so much about her from reading this book. i knew she was a preacher's daughter and grew up in a somewhat strict christian environment. but i didn't know the details. until now. the way i was raised was very similar to the way tori was raised. not in all aspects, but in the stricter sense and also being taught that sexuality was taboo and masturbation was not thought of or done. that sex was not had until marriage and the main purpose was procreation. yes, that's what i was taught. (i love my parents very much and believe they did a wonderful job and the best job they could in raising me, but i do disagree with those things - i hope to be able to tell my daughter it's ok to explore your sexuality and sex is not just for making babies). with all of that stated, it took me a LONG time to explore myself sexually - i was a very late bloomer in that aspect and it's taken me a long time to figure out who i am in that sense as well.

tori serves the magdalene. “I don’t only serve the Magdalene, I serve an idea. The idea of the resurrected Feminine. ” i am envious of how connected she is to the sacred feminine. both the magdalene and the sacred mary. all the thoughts that have been muddled in my brain make a little more sense after i read this book.

"piece by piece" hit #12 on the new york times best seller list in 2005. and i'm certainly not surprised. if any of you out there like tori amos, male or female, i strongly suggest going out and getting this book and exploring the inner tori. she's so much more than what she's labeled "a strong feminist ballbreaker" as i've heard her called before. from the inside cover:

I choose to fight my battles through my music . . . I was born a feminist. And then at age five, when my strict Christian grandmother punished me, I realized, I’m not penetrating here. I’m just pissing people off. So I had to find another way to penetrate. I had to redefine what that word means. That word now is really about an opening, an entering into a separate space. And after the first phase of my life, I realized that it was okay to enter that space without having to be invaded . . . I like the idea of just being able to be inside. Not using penetration as a violent word. The idea of being able to find keys . . . music, using keys to get into a space that we couldn’t before . . . Now, backstage at an undisclosed arena where the sweat of athletes is still perfuming my makeshift dressing room, my many conversations with Ann Powers have begun…

“You come from the journalist side. I come from the artist side. It can become offensive. I’m sure from your side as well as from mine.”

“Well, it’s true everyone expects us to be enemies. And in some ways we are. My job is interpretation. Yours is art, which often benefits from mystery . . .”

Ann and I decided to strip our roles back to basics. We are both women born feminists in the 1960s. We are both married. We are both mothers. We are both in the music industry. Traditionally we are enemies. But for this project to be effective, I had to allow Ann to expose Tori Amos. And Tori Amos’s inner circle. And me.”

Living In The Moment

the ladybug and i had a delightful weekend together. we spent some of the day on saturday with k and then josi had a tres de mayo festival at her place saturday evening. the ladybug and i got out on saturday and took some fun photos together (one of my favorites i have posted to the left).

i really don't have much to say today other than i appear to be in a strange place in my life. and i don't really mean strange...i just mean my thoughts and feelings are "strange". i have always been a big believer in "living in the moment" and not dwelling too much on things in the past or in the future for that matter. well guess what...i'm actually DOING IT.

i can not say i have ever been in a position in my life where i was living in the moment as much as i am now. and it feels good. i've let go of unnecessary worries...unnecessary thoughts. i didn't know it was possible until now. i'm letting relationships in my life develop with ease and not putting any sort of expectation on them as i have done in the past. friendship wise or intimately. it feels good to feel so freely and not hold onto those weighty feelings.

so here's to living in the moment. *cheers*

What If....

do you ever have those moments when you envy someone's life so much, you wish you were living it? i love my life most of the time and i try not to imagine my life any other way, but sometimes....SOMETIMES there are those people that you come across that you just wish you could live their life for just one day or maybe even a week...or month. you get the picture.

anyway....i came across this blog many many moons ago and fell in love with it. how cool was this chick who lives in rural wyoming, found a baby coyote pup who was orphaned and took it in to raise? not to mention her photography is beyond impressive.

http://dailycoyote.blogspot.com/

so i finally went into her "about us" section this morning and found her other blog about her ventures and photography from her trip from san fran to ny on a vespa. on...a...freakin...vespa. and how she loved this tiny town of 300 people so much in wyoming that she turned back after getting the ny and settled in this low populated, beautiful land...with minimal EVERYTHING. what an inspiration she is. and she's only 30. wow. i hope you enjoy reading as much as i did.

http://vespa-vagabond.blogspot.com/

Like Mama Like Daughter

Flashback Friday : Volume 29

so today we are goin wayyyyyyyyyyyy back to 1985 with general public's "tenderness". i still adore this song to this very day.

they had some great hits (as well as when they were english beat prior to general public), but this is definitely one of my top favorites. happy friday all.