Monday, December 03, 2007

The Grieving Process

how long should the grieving process last? there are many things you can grieve over. the death of a loved one....a pet....the loss of a significant other leaving your life...the loss of a job....etc.

everyone handles grief and loss differently. for me, it hits me hard & head on, then almost immediately, i start the healing process. why? because we only have this one life to live...we can't spend the rest of our lives grieving over something that we've lost. we have to make the most of what we have and try and move on with our a new chapter. i didn't always feel this way. i would feel sorry for myself and crawl into a small hole for however long of a period of time and just mope. and waste away. not anymore. however, i haven't experienced the death of a child or a parent. i might feel differently or handle that loss completely different.

it's reaching 2 months since the initial "breakup". i grieved a lot for weeks on end. i was miserable. my spirits were eventually lifted when hope was brought back to me. that hope got taken away from me 2 weeks and 3 days ago. i was very very upset, but prepared in a sense. because i had already been through a grieving process the month prior.

people tend to judge other people in how long someone should grieve. ie: husband dies of 30 years to wife. wife is remarried within a year of his passing and already started a new life.

is that too soon?

personally, i tend to try to look at it from this perspective: everyone's situation is different, but WHO AM I TO JUDGE from an outside perspective? how do i know this person's situation? how do i know that her dying husband told her on his death bed to promise to move on with her life immediately and experience all she can to the fullest? hmmmm....that's something to think about.

you may never fully complete a grief process for the death of someone close to you or losing the love of your life (not to death, but to situation).

but i think the point is to not let your life completely stop. you have to allow yourself happiness in this life and you have to allow yourself to move on from your heartache. you are allowed to carry it with you and keep it close to your heart without it overcoming your being. you are allowed to carry that person with you in your heart until the day you die....but still be able to experience joy.

my hardcore grief process has come to an end. i'm ready to move on. i miss him very much, but i'm also not going to let his decision in this put a halt on my life. i have to move on...and search for that person that compliments me. to search for the soulmate that i thought was him? maybe he is that person....but i can not force that upon him when he is not willing to fight for us or when he has so many other deep seated issues that he needs to get through. i need to find my own happiness and my own path.....i have to be open to finding it again. i can't be closed off in that sense.

i recently read someone's view on the perfect mate. they weren't sure if they believed in such because people are constantly changing. and i never thought of it this way, but it was something that made me ponder the meaning. and i got it.

so here i am releasing my grief and moving on to the next chapter of my life. and just in time for the new year ahead.


i remembered reading this and had to go back and find it. i found it very helpful:

October 4, 2007
Stronger For It
Mending A Broken Heart

Heartbreak happens to all of us and can wash over us
like a heavy rain. When experiencing a broken
heart, our ethereal selves are saturated with grief,
and the overflow is channeled into the physical
body. Loss becomes a physical emptiness, and
longing is transmuted into a feeling that often
cannot be put into words. Mending a broken heart
can seem a task so monumental that we dare not
attempt it for fear of damaging ourselves further.
But heartbreak, like all emotions, falls under the
spell of our conscious influence.

Often the pain that wounds us most deeply also
leaves the most enduring mark upon us. The shock
that becomes the tender, throbbing ache of the
heart eventually leads us down the path of
enlightenment, blessing our lives with a new depth
and richness.

Acknowledging heartbreak's impermanence by no
means dulls its sting for it is the sting itself that
stimulates healing. The pain is letting us know that
we need to pay attention to our emotional selves,
to sit with our feelings and be in them fully before
we can begin to heal. It is said that time heals all
wounds. Time may dull the pain of a broken heart,
but it is fully feeling your pain and acknowledging
it that will truly help you heal. Dealing with your
heartache in a healthy way rather than putting it
off for tomorrow is the key to repair. Gentleness
more than anything else is called for. Most
important, open yourself to the possibility of
loving, trusting, and believing again. When,
someday soon, you emerge from the cushion of
your grief, you will see that the universe did not
cease to be as you nursed your broken heart. You
emerge on the other side of the mending, stronger
for all you have experienced.


Dandelion seeds said...

and this is why I think you are so amazing.

embalmingregiment said...

That's awesome that you feel better. We grow stronger from such experiences, even if we do not realize it at the moment. It can be shitty, yes, but the universe is a complex place. Who knows what it has in store for us.

Oceanshaman said...

Pain produces growth . . .

How cool to see you grow . . .

By the way, I dig your myspace page . . . I'm not much of a myspace guy, but I check out your page off the link here, because it's yours . . .

Nice pic . . . the latest one . . . also dig those portraits . . .

Keep walking the walk . . . you're doin' fine . . .

Oceanshaman said...

Also totally just diggin' Zebra . . . will definitely be my musical post tomorrow . . .

Tasha / Hip Momma said...

It looks like you're off to a good start! You're a strong woman! ;)