Monday, July 28, 2008

6 months sober

someone very special in my life is having his 6 month anniversary today of being sober. it doesn't seem like it's been that long, yet it honestly feels longer. reference this post.

i have never been an addict to much of anything. cigarettes are really about as far of an "addiction" i have had. and smoking is and was not really something i have HAD to have. we all have our own problems and i have my own issues with anxiety and occasionally other things. i have never understood drug or alcohol addictions. until a few years ago. when this person came back into my life after a long absence and i was there. i saw it head on and dealt with it every day of my life. holding on for dear life praying that this person was not going to kill himself. the alcohol, the cocaine, the heroine, the meth. all of it. this is the hard part about having an overly huge heart and thinking you can be there for everyone and help them. but this person meant so much to me that i knew i couldn't give up. i never gave up on him...even with all the SHIT we had been through or that HE put ME through. i almost gave up on him this last time. i kept my distance because i didn't want to get dragged into it again after the first 2 times. i didn't let him back in.

the main thing i've learned with addictions is that this person can not just say ok i'm done and quit. just like with anxiety, when someone tells me "oh just quit worrying". hmmmm. that part i completely relate to.

something happened to this person towards the end of last year and he was incapacitated (unwillingly of course), but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. his "rock bottom" if you will. he tried to get in touch with me during this time. at first i was skeptical...i was afraid to let myself in again. but i also knew that i am one of the only people he had. that he TRULY had. i was there for him again....but at a safe distance in my eyes. i didn't want to get hurt again.

he was released back into the free world on january 28th. being in his life now is how i had always imagined it would be. back when his addiction had taken over him, yet i knew the person he was beneath all of it. the hope that i hadn't lost for him shines through now. his life is coming together and major things are happening for him. we've had to get through a lot to be to the point we are at today. from the dungeons of hell, through all the apologizing, through all of the healing. we are as close as we could possibly be today. we have a bond between us that i've never shared with anyone else. i'm glad i didn't lose hope. i am so very proud of him. today and everyday as i realize the struggle it takes to get to this point. 6 months may not seem like long to your average person, but to an addict it can be a lifetime.
so congratulations to you sweetie. i love you so very much.

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