Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Bittersweet Tuesday Morning Conversation

i probably shouldn't post this, but oh well....i never do what i'm supposed to do...or not for that matter.

Butterfly says: fancy seeing you on here
Butterfly says: sorry about the accidental email to you yesterday
Horizon says: No worries.
Horizon says: sounds like a fun weekend in the making.

Butterfly says: definitely - much needed. i'm burnt out.
Butterfly says:
how are you doing?
Horizon says: I'm ok. Feeling about the same. Just need a break from everything.
Horizon says:
This adult stuff is hard, I tell ya.
Butterfly says: well i'm sorry to hear that. i was hoping things were getting better for you.
Butterfly says:
and yes, it is!
Horizon says: Oh they are, I just need a vacation. Some time to relax.
Horizon says:
A change of scenery would be nice.
Butterfly says: i completely understand that.
Butterfly says: how are the kids?
Horizon says: Good. Big. and sweet.
Horizon says:
they take good care of me.
Butterfly says: i bet they do
Horizon says: I've been putting them to work. They help fold clothes and do dishes pretty well and they're always sweet about helping.
Horizon says:
Though I'm sure that'll change. I'll enjoy it while I can.
Butterfly says: awww that's very sweet.
Horizon says: How's your baby?
Butterfly says: haha baby my foot - she just had her 9th birthday. doing really well - waiting for her next sibling to be here any day now
Horizon says: Ah, that's right. About to be a big sister all over again.
Horizon says:
I'm sure it doesn't feel like she's been with you for 9 years already.
Butterfly says: no i've been looking at her a lot lately and not really believing that it's been that long....or that i even made 1/2 of her. sometimes it's a strange hit of reality.
Butterfly says: so how are things with you and "t" (name removed)? getting better? going in the direction you had hoped?
Horizon says: Getting better and progressing. Counseling is helping quite a bit.
Butterfly says: good to hear
Butterfly says: well i better get back to work. it was good to say hello to you. take care.
Horizon says: Awe. Ok, have a good morning luv. And it was great to hear from you.
Butterfly says: it's just still a little weird for me. as much as i want you to be happy.....you understand i'm sure
Horizon says: Absolutely.
Horizon says:
Its weird for me as well.
Butterfly says: i'm moving on with my life and thinking about you less and less. it still hurts and i still love you, but then hearing that you and "t" are doing better and working things out is a bit of a sting.
Horizon says: Well, I'm glad that you're moving on.
Horizon says:
You're still very much in my thoughts and heart and I want nothing but positive things for you in your future.
Butterfly says: things are going in that direction. i'm actually dating again....it's different and hard, but i'm making myself do it
Horizon says: Well, it stings to hear you say that but its good that you are and I hope you find someone very special that deserves you.
Horizon says: Crud, now I've gotta scoot. Someone's got monitor problems.
Horizon says:
Hopefully we'll chat again in the near future.
Butterfly says: well i would be lying if somewhere inside me i still hold a hope that things will happen for us later
Butterfly says: but i can't live my life with that hope you know
Horizon says: I know.
Butterfly says: sorry i don't mean to unload all of that on you, but it's nice to be able to say it to you. i wish things had been different.
Horizon says: Oy, sorry for the long pause, had to go get that monitor.
Horizon says:
If you need to get something off of your chest, by all means do it.
Horizon says:
Its really bad for you to be all bottled up.
Horizon says:
You don't need to apologize.
Butterfly says: i definitely know. i am getting better, but my friends still see i'm in some sort of a rut that i can't seem to get out of. i'm working on it though - trying to keep myself busy.
Butterfly says:
it's hard to get over someone that you were madly in love with and come to the realization that they are with someone else. that's the worst part for me i think.
Horizon says: hmm
Horizon says:
I can relate...
Horizon says: I've always been in love with those that didn't love me back. Hopeless romantic I suppose.
Horizon says:
But you can say that I loved you... love you because its true.
Butterfly says: yes i know
Horizon says: Just so you know, it absolutely is not easy letting you go.
Horizon says: I still think about you and and occassionally see you in my dreams, whatever small comfort that may be to you.
Horizon says: whatever I may think, I still want you to move forward in your life and be happy.
Horizon says:
So please do that.
Horizon says:
And I better get an e-mail from you the day you get settled into your new place in Austin.
Butterfly says: the way i try and see it is that we came into each other's life and fell in love but at the wrong time. you are still attached to someone that you never got over. our love was/is beautiful and if we are meant to find each other again, then i have faith that we will when the time is right. but in the meantime i have no choice but to move on.....
Butterfly says:
it's a difficult process and it's been several months now - each day seems to get a little bit easier. a very hard part is trying to see someone else and all i do is think about you and wanting that person to be you.
Butterfly says: oh and i just realized that we met a year ago last weekend?
Butterfly says: wow

Horizon says: that long already
Butterfly says: it was the end of march last year
Horizon says: No one is me except me, just like no one in my life is you except you. I can't hold anyone to the standards that you set or I'd be disappointed for the rest of my life.
Butterfly says: that's the problem that i am struggling with
Horizon says: Well, if you couldn't tell... me too.
Horizon says: We have many bonds, you and I. That's just one more.
Horizon says: But you need to get on with your morning and so do I. We'll be carrying each other in our thoughts for quite a while after this... and that's not a bad thing at all in my opinion.
Horizon says: Not that we ever stopped.
Horizon says:
But anywho, you go and do what you need to and I'll go hit this monitor with a sledge hammer.
Butterfly says: yah you are right. i will keep in touch and you do the same please.
Butterfly says: don't hit it too hard!

Horizon says: K
Horizon says: bye sweety. and I love you very much.
Horizon says: take care
Butterfly says: and i love you.
Butterfly says: bye...


edielu said...

oh honey...that makes my heart ache for you! i love ya!!!!!!! btw...i had the weirdest dream about you last night...remind me next time we talk to tell you about it!

Dandelion seeds said...

oh sweetheart.