Thursday, March 13, 2008

Side Effects and Mortality

so i really don't mean to be a downer lately, but damn. i got my tetanus shot on monday and i've been feeling like SHIT. not like head-cold or anything of the sort, just "off". i didn't know that side effects of this shot can cause tiredness, muscle aches and headaches. apparently i've caught the high end of these side effects. i slept horribly last night - i guess i kept laying on the arm that i got the shot in and it was giving me horrible pains. i'm assuming these will go away in a day or two, otherwise i suppose i will have to call the doc. i don't recall having symptoms like these the last time i got one of these shots, but i was a teenager, so who knows. atleast i won't have to get another one for 10 years. *note to self - be prepared for this*

i think about my mortality often. i don't mean to sound morbid or anything, but it's human nature and i'm sure certain people think about it more often than others. having children heightens those thoughts as well. there are times that i am petrified of death (ie. when i experience panic attacks or at other specific times), then there are times that i am at peace with dying. whenever it may happen. my #1 concern always is if the ladybug will be taken care of and be ok. i know in my heart that she will be, but i also get that thought in my head of her losing me and me missing out on the rest of her life. possibly a bit selfish way to think, but hey...she's my daughter. is it strange that i have already told my parents and clued in my closest friends what i want to happen if i do die suddenly and before any of them? i even have put in requests of what i want played at my funeral and i have reiterated that i don't want any methodist hymns playing with old white men singing out of key and in a monotone voice. i would rather die AGAIN. and easy on the godly stuff. you know...since i'm still in a constant "i have no idea" mode. that is subject to change of course.....

i have had 2 songs picked out since directly out of high school and another added on in the last 5 years or so. these songs have a VERY DEEP meaning to me and it would be my dying wish to have these played at my funeral. i would want my closest friends and my family to say a few words, then afterwards, i would want one of them to have a huge party and to reminisce about all the awesome, fun times that we all spent together. nothing drab, nothing terribly sad.

so for shits and giggles, i would like to share these 3 songs with all of you.

first is "love is stronger than death" by the the:



second is "china roses" by enya:



and lastly is "hallelujah" by jeff buckley (must be this version even though the original version was by leonard cohen):

this is the best version - but it has disabled the embedding: CLICK HERE

3 comments:

Dandelion seeds said...

it makes sense that you want to be prepared-especially as a parent. I wish all parents were as prepared. Jason's dad died prematurely (late 50's) and had nothing prepared-no funeral wishes, no will, no nothing.

it was a nightmare for Jason digging through his estate and carrying that burden (his dad was unmarried and Jason is an only child).

and by the way, Jeff Buckley's 'Halleluyah'-gives me chills.

Oceanshaman said...

Man, you and I are on the same wavelength . . .

I had similar thoughts on mortality this past week, sick as I was, wigging on the possibility that I might have some sort of bloodborne cancer, causing my immunities to be low . . .

Then a friend's mom passed from a massive stroke last night . . .

I'm still feelin' a bit off, but mostly better . . .

I'll get a good run in a bit later to hasten it along a bit . . .

A friend suggested I surf, but I don't think my respiratory system is quite up for the jolt of 43 degree water . . .

Anyway . . . happy moment to you . . . namaste, as always . . .

Historical Wit said...

You know the samuria contemplate death everyday, it makes you appreciate what you have when you are living. So as much as I hate it, I always try to take the time to remind myself how morbid and drab my life would be without my wife and daughter. Then I think how horrible thier life would be without me. And I think of ways to make that pain better. I usually think of this when I am working out. Sometimes driving. Don;t worry, thnking about ones life and its effects, good or bad, is a healthy thing. It give you perspective.