And It Begins...

the day i have been dreading for years has finally come.

my daughter got her first note from a boy yesterday at school.

help me baby jesus.

HAPPY EARTH DAY

tread lightly on mother earth ~ today and EVERYDAY

FEEL THE RHYTHM OF THE EARTH....DANCE THE SONG OF LIFE

~ If you honor every living thing as a part of nature's treasure, you're in tune with Mother Nature. So let's all sing her song together~

Dr. Michael Mirdad

i had the most UPLIFTING experience today. Mother/Father God called me to my church today. unity of dallas.

i haven't been in a couple of months and have been having a few personal struggles lately. none that i will broadcast, but let me just tell you that the sermon given today by guest Dr. Michael Mirdad was inspiring to me beyond words.

i was at church today to hear him speak. i was sent there because God knew exactly what i needed to hear and exactly what i needed to feel.

if you have a chance and are interested, please check out the sermon from today HERE. "Living The Christ Life". i never want to force anything upon anyone, but i am always willing to share information that i think is worth sharing.

i bought his book : "You're Not Going Crazy...You're Just Waking Up!" and i can't wait to delve into it.

love & light.

namaste ~~~~~

Positive Addiction

so i've never really been a big starbucks fan. it's too corporate and on top of the fact that i don't like coffee anyway...well. the only thing i ever get there when i do stumble into one is a chai latte. i can't do too much caffeine....so i don't even get the chai much anymore because it tends to cause me to get a little jittery.

i took a friend to starbucks a couple of weeks ago and she turned me onto the tazo vanilla rooibos latte. i *heart* this drink. you should try one. and add a packet of splenda. you won't regret it :)

cheers!

YUMNESS

yum yum goodness at genghis grill last night. yes, it was as evil as it looks.

MWAHAHAHA.

Hits and Misses

i got an email yesterday from my awesome bloggin' soul brotha from maryland saying he was going to be literally 21.68 miles up the road from me for 2 days. but due to work would be unable to have time for us to meet up. oceanshaman, i sure do wish you could extend your trip for a few more days so i could have a chance (along with ms. brandi as well) to show you some good texas hospitality along with some must see's.

too bad you weren't here a few days ago for one of our thunderstorms. much love to you brother - i hope your stay is a positive experience and you will want to come back. hopefully for pleasure next time and hopefully long enough for your lone star sisters to show you around. :)

My Sweet Lord

Texas Thunderstorms

there is nothing like the engulfing beauty of a texas thunderstorm. and keep in mind these were taken by my crappy camera phone from my 10th floor office window about 30 minutes ago.

SXSW

it's that time again...when one of the largest musical events in the world moves through our little state of texas. mar 18-22. i am totally bummed that i can't make the 3 hour trip south on I35 this year for the festivities. there are TONS AND TONS of great bands this year....but THIS one at La Zona Rosa at 10pm on Thurs Mar 19th is my biggest sadness that i will miss. :( :( :( boo.

well...and THIS one too.

i'm going to go cry now.

(and on a very interesting note, there is actually a band called natalie portman's shaved head. yes folks, i could not make this up.

Psycho Ramblings From The Overworked And Underpaid : Volume 3

butterfly: um
so
i have a borrower who's maiden last name is Bull
she marries a guy with the last name of Horn
and decides TO FUCKING HYPHENATE IT!
so her last name is now Bull-Horn
REALLY?!?!
i have no words
ivycurlz : OMFG!!!
WhY???
butterfly : hahaha
exactly
the stupidity of people never ceases to amaze me
that's good i'm using it as my status
lol

a while later....

butterfly : does that german choco cake have coconut in it?
ivycurlz : i dunno
prolly
butterfly : why don't you know
i will kill you
ivycurlz : cause i dont eat germans
butterfly : good to know

Happy Birthday To Me

my birthday present to myself:

Oh Boy

here we go again.

Happy Friday the 13th!

guess what i'm going to see tonight? yep. that's right. i am a slasher fan. and i've seen many a jason flick in my day. it's probably gonna be pretty terrible, but i have to see it. who knows, it might actually be pretty good - it is a remake after all. it can't get any worse than the original, right?

ha....

so to you and yours happy friday the 13th!!! (oh and happy valentine's day also tomorrow).

Fun With STRAIGHT Hair!

this might not be strange to those of you that don't know me on a personal level, but i spend 1 hour (yikes) over the weekend straightening my hair. it hasn't been straight since i straightened it everyday in high school. after high school, i finally gave in to my natural curl and let it go.

the truth is, i LOVE it straight! the other truth is that i am so low maintenance that spending an hour on my hair does not feel justified in my eyes.

so...i think it will definitely be a sometimes on the weekends thing :)

(by the way, i think this is really the first time i've ever posted a clear picture of myself on this blog. first time for everything, right?)

Sleeps With Butterflies reprise

i posted about this here, but i was recently asked again why i call my blog "sleeps with butterflies". i didn't go into much detail on that post so i will now.

for those of you who may already know and for those who do not know, tori amos is one of my mentors in every way. listening to her music from the time i was in high school until now, she has helped me through some very tough times in my life as well as some very happy times. i have truly been able to relate to her in every aspect through her music. she is an odd bird, yes i know, but she is an incredible soul. she is the ultimate woman in my eyes. she's strong, she's beautiful, she's smart, she's unique, she's eclectic, she's powerful, she's the symbol of feminine. as so much of us are and may not embrace it or have even realized it. she helped me realize that in myself.

most men do not prefer her as they feel her engulfing feminine energy and it probably frightens them a bit. the women i know either adore her or loathe her. i have never met someone the thought tori was "ok".

there can be many interpretations of the song "sleeps with butterflies" that tori wrote - on the album the beekeeper. as with any song, each individual interprets it in a different way. here are the lyrics:

Airplanes

Take you away again

Are you flying

Above where we live

Then I look up a glare in my eyes

Are you having regrets about last night

I'm not but I like rivers that rush in

So then I dove in

Is there trouble ahead

For you the acrobat

I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word

You know I will find you

Or if you need some time

I don't mind

I don't hold on

To the tail of your kite

I'm not like the girls that you've known

But I believe I'm worth coming home to

Kiss away night

This girl only sleeps with butterflies

With butterflies

So go on and fly then boy

Balloons

Look good from on the ground

I fear with pins and needles around

We may fall then stumble

Upon a carousel

It could take us anywhere

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite

I'm not like the girls that you've known

But I believe I'm worth coming home to

Kiss away night

This girl only sleeps with butterflies

With butterflies

With butterflies

So go on and fly boy

what do you think it means?

i am connected to this song because i relate to it so well. my interpretation is tweaked a little bit every time i listen to it, but overall my take is that she is in love with a man (doesn't necessarily have to be a new relationship - could even be very established - that's up for interpretation as well) who might have a bit of a commitment issue of sorts or feels too tied down. maybe he feels this way and has left. but she's assuring him that she's not like the girls that he's known...but she believes she's worth coming home to (such a powerful lyric here - so full of self-worth). she's letting him know that she won't smother him and she'll be here when he gets back. as for the sleeps with butterflies part, to me, that's like assuring him that she doesn't sleep around and she will be here when he comes back for her. other people may interpret as she sleeps with only butterflies (such as him - letting him fly and come back to her) - and telling him to go - she'll be there waiting.

i feel this way about someone - i won't go into detail, but it's kind of been a pattern for us. but i chose to look at it as a thing of beauty.

at any rate, i feel a special connection with this song and i decided to name my blog after it.

Tori Amos - Sleeps with Butterflies.mp3 -

Psycho Ramblings From The Overworked And Underpaid : Volume 2

ha. i had to dig deeply to even find the first installment of this. we still have regular chat conversations that i know are worthy of a post, but the fact is i've been so frackin busy, i barely have time to breathe. but today's made me laugh, so i thought i would share.

ivycurlz: so um "ES" said Bath and Body works is having a clearance sale, and they have some of those mini lotions for a dollar
so i want to go at lunch
do you want to go?
butterfly: surely
ivycurlz: wurd to your
butterfly: i think i even have a gift cert
ivycurlz: mama
your not allowed to buy anything
sorry :(
butterfly: i keel you
ivycurlz:i keel you first
butterfly:the only way i could would be to use the gift cert
lmao
ivycurlz: well dont take it with you
so you cant buy anything
ivycurlz: i'll just give it to you so you can misplace it
:p
hahahahaha wheeeeeeeee (side note: ivycurlz is notorious for misplacing her debit card)
i made myself laugh with that one
ivycurlz: muwawhahahaah
nooooooooooooo
you just cant take it
you can use umm maybe sometime after the 26th
hahahahaahah
butterfly: i will take it and YOU WILL LIKE IT
don't make me come over there
ivycurlz: YOU WILL EAT MY CHUNKY TURDS
butterfly: hello my name is inigo montoya. you killed my father.
ivycurlz: and you will like it
butterfly: prepare to die
ivycurlz: LMAOAOOAOAAAOAO

*insert jibber jabber not worth posting*
(after bailing on going because i have too much work to do, i give her my $15 gift card to use to get whatever)

butterfly: mmmm that smells good
get a bunch of them seriously!
and we can give some to k* and ladybug
don't you DARE bring me back that card or i will shove it up your ass.
ivycurlz: thats hot
butterfly: i knew you'd like that
ivycurlz: i do
im all hot and bothered
lol
butterfly: you are disturbed
ivycurlz: i know
i love you too

Spiderwoman? Not So Much....

so. yahhhhhhhh. like my spider bite? atleast that's what the docs think.

i've never had a serious bite like this and i gotta say it hurts like a sommummabitch.

i ended up going to an urgent care office on friday after work after showing my mother my leg when just a day before i was so blase about it thinking it was simply an ingrown hair. um. no. not that. i got a shot of strong antibiotic along with another prescribed antibiotic. yuk. sometimes i think antibiotics are the devil.

so i went through the weekend in major pain with the bite not getting too much better. i made an appt with my general practitioner to see her on monday morning. she proceeded to tell me that sometimes our bodies build up immunities to "new" antibiotics so they have to go back to the "old" ones. she has now got me on an "old" antibiotic mixed with a "new" antibiotic. dear lord. i feel like crap. i hate the way antibiotics make me feel. however, my bite is getting smaller and doesn't hurt as bad.

good times.

February

february is a special month for me. mainly because it's the month that holds my date of birth. hehe.

i made 3 new years resolutions this year.

1. quit smoking by 2/27 (day after my birthday)

2. get in shape for my health and for my well being

3. ~ namaste ~ (refer to previous post)

february is here. i have 24 days left of smoking cigarettes. i'm not going to ween myself off or use a nicotine substance to try and take steps down. i'm quitting cold turkey. keep in mind i don't smoke THAT much. on the weekends, i admit, i do smoke about 1/2 a pack a day. during the week, i don't smoke at all until i get home from work, then it's only 1 or 2 for the night. i know i have the strength to do it and i'm going to be ready. i am going to use these last 24 days to realize that this is a beautiful thing for my body and my spirit and also enjoy and relish in the last few days of the joy in smoking. because yes, there is some sort of joy in smoking. smokers will know this. non-smokers of course will not. it's going to be a little tough, but i have faith in myself and i know i can do this. i will keep you posted on my progress.

i have started on my healthier lifestyle as of today (and no, i'm not ever saying the word diet). i have quite a bit of weight i would like to lose and tone to build, so i'm allowing myself to the end of the year to reach my goal. i'm going to do this slowly and correctly. it might come faster - (hopefully), but i'm not going to rush myself and i'm not going to overwhelm myself. i will not completely deprive myself and i will allow myself treats and cheats. but overall, i'm starting on a plan or guideline if you will.

outdoor soccer is starting again at the end of this month with practice starting this weekend, so i'm gearing up for that.

2009 is going to be a great year for me. the BEST year of my life. i can feel it. i have found a new inner strength, desire and positivity. and i'm going to make it that way...with mother/father god's presence in my life, i've stepped into the divine flow. and it feels extraordinary.

-----

ooooh, also i forgot. my birthday present to myself this year is going to be a new tattoo! :) what i want is still in the works, but i have it narrowed down. i will post pics when i get it!

An Excerpt for Your Friday

i finally finished the book eat pray love after it's taken me MONTHS to get through it. MONTHS. don't know why because the book was absolutely fantastical (yes, that's an SAT word). my theory as to why is because i went uber crazy for weeks on the twilight series and was so tired of reading, it took me a bit to get back into it. ha.

anyway....in this excerpt from the book, elizabeth is hanging with "richard" from texas who calls her "groceries". she met him at an ashram in india. it's simply. beautiful.

--------

"But I really loved him.”

“Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don’t you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching, I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that’s just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That’s just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries – you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It’s your destiny. Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing.” I was actually crying. “And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate.”

“He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it.”

“….You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re lickin’ at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”

“If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”

-----

Just Another Reason Why I <3 AUSTIN!

Keep Austin Zombie-Free

~ LOVE ~

love has many faces.

i've always had an abundance of love in my life. my family, my friends. i have been blessed. i am blessed.

as far as romantic love, i have always felt as though i have loved to the fullest. i've loved everyone i have been with with all the love i was able to give. i have no regrets. i hold each of my relationships in a very sacred place in my heart and have let each of them go.

there has always been 1 that i have never been able to let go of. we've been through so many trials and tribulations and we've said goodbye quite a few times. something always brings us back together. we have hurt each other, we have loved each other, we have brought joy to each other, and we have brought pain to each other.

but somehow, something always brings us back.

i can't predict the future, but this finally feels right. something was always a little off in previous times, but it finally feels like we've figured it out.

i love you baby. thank you for being who you are in my life today and in the future. i look forward to our journey, whichever way the wind takes us.

Inauguration Day - History Is Being Made

i am so overly excited today i can hardly stand it! i spent yesterday being pretty lazy on my day off for MLK jr. day. i watched the history channel most of the day with specials on dr. king. i learned a lot and it was so moving. and here, a day later after celebrating MLK's life and accomplishments, we swear in our first african-american president. change is coming my friends. FINALLY. i really can not express into words the emotions i am feeling right now.

(my only complaint is that former president dipwad is LITERALLY moving down the street from me. only a few miles away. ugh. great.)

"I stand here today as hopeful as ever that the United States of America will endure, that it will prevail, that the dream of our founders will live on in our time."

~ Barack Obama

~ Namaste ~

this is my theme for 2009.

namaste.

The God/Goddess Spirit within me recognizes and honors the God/Goddess Spirit within you.

i first heard "namaste" when attending my first real hatha yoga class about 5 years ago. and the reason i say real is because this was my first yoga class that i actually walked away with a new sense of self. i had attended several yoga classes in the past with my father that were nice, but didn't give me that experience that i so truly desired. the physical aspect, the spiritual aspect, the aligning of my chakras, the meditation, the savasana, and as closure, namaste.

the divine in me blesses and honors the divine in you.

at the peak of my yoga practices several years ago, i got the om symbol tattooed on my right lower back.

over the past few years, i have veered away from my yoga practices and gone in different directions. there are several things in my life that i do for myself including soccer, jewelry making and reading. some things are missing. thank you to the guidance of my beautiful soul sister, brandi, i've attended several services at this church. i think i've found my home. the second step for me in this journey is to get back into yoga and meditation. it was such a huge part of my being and i let it slip away. the time has come to really bring it back into my everyday life. my soul is crying out for it.

the past several weeks have posed some huge challenges for me as well as some very positive regrowth in a couple of relationships, including a rekindled love. i don't know what the future brings, but i try and live my life fully with each new day. have no regrets and love with every part of my being. i am bound and determined to get as much fulfillment out of this life as humanly possible for me. it takes some sacrificing and sometimes going in a direction you are unsure of, but if your heart leads you there, don't be wary.

so my dear readers, NAMASTE to you all and i wish you the best year of your life in 2009. i know that's what i'm hoping for :)

~ peace and love ~

Which is Worse?

Drank

hahahhaa - i can't stop giggling. my friend, crack monkey works for the weekly newspaper here. we had a holiday potluck over the weekend and she proceeded to tell us about this new drink they have out now called drank.

well turns out several employees at the newspaper conducted a taste test on friday and here is what happened :

"Drank" Drink Drunk

enjoy a little giggle this monday morning. :)